The Two Gundams
by MomsDarkSecret
Summary: The G-boys' invasion of the Lord of the Rings continues! I can make this work. The middle book doesn't have to be boring. Fasten your seatbelts. COMPLETED.
1. So We’re Not Killing Him Why?

This story is number ten in my Gundam Wing adventure series. The previous stories are, in chronological order: **Gundam Wing and the Knights of the Round Table; Gundam Wing and the Quest for the Holy Grail;** **The** **Magicians of Gundam Wing;** **Gundam Wing and the Men of Sherwood Forest**; **Gundam Wing and the Gods of Thunder**; **Gundam Wing on Mount Olympus; Gundam Wing in the Wild, Wild West**; **Gundam Wing goes to Hogwarts** and **The Fellowship of The Gundam**. The latter story is the first in a trilogy (no surprise) re-telling the classic Lord of the Rings trilogy. If you read this story without reading the others first, or at least the last one, you might be very confused.

**Disclaimer**: This is an original work of fiction, but the characters of Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, Wu-Fei Chang, Trowa Barton, Quatre Reberba Winner, Zechs Merquise and Treize Kushranada are borrowed from Gundam Wing AC by Hajime Yatate and Yoshiyuki Tomino and produced by Sunrise. Roku, on the other hand, is totally my creation, as are Alexa, Hadeya and Jett. Other Gundam Wing characters, like Sally Po and Lucretzia Noin, who might appear or be mentioned are also borrowed from Gundam Wing by Yatate-sama and Tomino-sama. Everyone else is made up by me, the author.

**Additional Disclaimer:** All the characters from The Lord of the Rings were created by J.R.R. Tolkien and produced by various publishers.

**Warnings**: This is a comedy, but you'll have to watch out for implied yaoi, not-so-implied yaoi, sexual innuendo, adult situations, occasional swearing, a general lack of respect for "decent" behavior and a noticeable tendency toward mayhem and destruction.

**Addendum**: This is a continuation of my second cross-over with the boys and it seems to be going pretty well. Of course, I'm starting that long, tedious middle bit that feels somewhat like filler. Please bear with me. Remember my source material.

**You've gotta love it:** I've gotten a friend to draw smutty pictures of the protagonists from one of my original fiction yaoi stories. Is this a great country or what?

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Chapter 1: **So We're Not Killing Him Why?**

"I think we're lost," Sam grumbled. "We've not gotten any closer to that stinking bog than we were this morning. Or yesterday."

"The term lost really only applies if you have a firm destination in mind," Hadeya offered helpfully. "Otherwise, you're simply exploring potential paths that might lead in a generally useful direction."

"We have a firm destination!" Sam exclaimed. He pointed at the smoldering, red, smoky horizon. "We need to go there! But to do that we have to get out of these stupid mountains first."

"I suppose so," Hadeya said. "But I always find young mountain ranges are the best place to look for loops of Jormangand. Jagged mountains like these usually form in places where he's recently turned over; say in the last one or two hundred thousand years or so."

"Loops of what?" Frodo asked in confusion.

"How could someone turning over cause mountains to form?" Sam echoed in equal confusion.

"Jormangand is the Midgard Serpent," Hadeya explained. "He exists under the earth pretty much everywhere, but sometimes parts of him get close to the surface and are exposed by erosion. It's always fun when you spot a loop. I like to tickle him, although sometimes that causes earthquakes in other parts of the world."

Sam and Frodo exchanged a look.

"I think we should get moving," Frodo said. "Let's go that way." He pointed toward a ravine that sloped down steeply between two low peaks.

"I suppose we could go that way," Hadeya said, "but I thought you wanted to get to the swamp."

"We do!"

"Well then, I suggest we go this way." Hadeya nodded toward the drop-off of a sheer cliff. "If we go down there, we'll end up in a flood channel that drains straight into the swamp."

Sam walked to the edge and looked over. "Are you insane?! That fall would kill us!"

Hadeya looked over and pursed his lips. "I suppose you haven't done a lot of mountaineering, have you?" He looked up at the sky. "And it looks like rain, too, which means the flood channel may decide to serve its purpose and drown us. Very well, we can take the long way, I suppose."

"The long way?!" Sam choked. Muttering under his breath, he turned and stumped off toward the ravine Frodo wanted to take. Frodo shrugged and followed him. Hadeya brought up the rear with an amused expression.

It did start raining that afternoon, so they found an overhang to crouch under until the storm passed. When they were able to start moving again, Hadeya climbed up above their path to look down into the canyon he'd wanted to take.

"Good call on the flood channel, Sam," he called down to the others. "It looks like a white water river down there now."

Sam muttered something his gaffer would probably have clouted him for and kept moving. When night fell, they looked for a relatively dry spot to make camp, but everything was damp and what little vegetation there was showed no interest at all in catching fire.

"Unfortunately," Hadeya said apologetically, "my demigod powers do not extend to magic. Without Quatre, Roku or Wu-Fei, we're never going to get this stuff to burn. It looks like a cold, damp night for us."

Sam and Frodo nodded mournfully. The three of them huddled against the base of a cliff out of the wind and munched on Elven waybread and sipped water from their canteens. A short while later, the sound of rocks skittering down a cliff made all three of them stop in mid-chew and look in the direction of the sound.

"I think someone's out there," Frodo whispered.

"I think you're right," Sam whispered back. "What should we do?"

"Wait," Hadeya said. "This spot is defensible."

They heard nothing else, but when they were done eating, Hadeya indicated that they should all roll up in their cloaks and pretend to sleep. They did not have to wait long. Eventually, they could all hear the sound of someone muttering and hissing above them, climbing slowly and carefully directly down the face of the cliff above them.

"Now!" Hadeya cried, and the three of them jumped up and grabbed the interloper.

"Ah!" the skinny little man squealed. He kicked and bit and scratched like a wild animal, all the while trying to leap onto Frodo.

Finally, Frodo yanked out his sword and held it to the creature's throat. "Stop!"

To everyone's surprise, the skeletal gray may, no bigger than the hobbits, began to cry.

Hadeya blinked in astonishment. "Who the hell is this?"

"It's Gollum," Frodo said.

Hadeya's astonishment turned to annoyance. "_This_ is Gollum? We should have let Father kill him. But we can certainly correct that mistake now." He reached for his belt knife.

"Wait!" Frodo said. He held up his hand. "Gollum, you've been in Mordor, haven't you? You know how to reach the Black Gate."

Gollum nodded obsequiously. "Yes! Yes! Gollum knows the way! Gollum can show you!"

"We can't trust him!" Sam exclaimed. "He'll slit our throats in our sleep!"

"My point exactly," Hadeya agreed wholeheartedly. "Let's slit his throat and toss him over a cliff." Sam nodded vigorously.

"No!" Frodo said firmly. He looked Gollum in the eye. "Gollum will do as he's told if he swears on the ring. Won't you Gollum?"

Gollum nodded vigorously and launched into a whiny, rambling statement about The Precious and swearing and keeping his word. Hadeya and Sam exchanged a look, but Frodo was adamant. So Sam tied Gollum up with his Elven rope and they all went to sleep, although it was hard since they had to listen to Gollum crying all night about how the rope burned him. In the morning, they set out, following Gollum's lead once he was let off his leash because pretty much everybody was sick of listening to him whine by then.

Gollum led the way down a series of canyons, some of them quite steep, until eventually they came out onto the edge of the dank, foul-smelling swamp. "Stay close now!" he hissed. "It's treacherous and only Gollum knows the way across. Not even nasty orcses know the way." He began to pick his way out into the marsh on ground that wasn't always dry, but held up firmly under their feet.

Sam looked down into the water. "There are faces down there!" he exclaimed.

"Where?" Hadeya asked.

"Right there!" Sam pointed.

Frodo looked. "They must be dead, but they look like they're just sleeping."

"Don't look at the dead people!" Gollum warned. "They'll drag you down and drown you!"

"What the hell are you people talking about?" Hadeya snapped irritably. "There's nothing in the water."

Sam stared at him. "You don't see anything?!"

"Well," Hadeya studied the water for a moment. "I see this." He reached into the water and pulled out a gleaming human thigh bone. "I'll agree that whoever this used to belong to is most certainly dead, but I've never thought of a pile of bones as being asleep."

"But…" Sam sputtered. "That's not what I saw!" He stared into the water again, but Gollum made an irritating swallowing sound in his throat.

"Must keep moving! Must not stand around in the open!" He scurried several paces along their path and gestured sharply.

Sam started after him, but Frodo kept staring into the water. Abruptly, he started to totter forward. Hadeya grabbed his shoulder and Frodo started, as if waking from sleep.

"What?" Frodo exclaimed groggily. He looked around, blinking in confusion.

"I think you should do as Gollum says and not look at the dead people," Hadeya advised. He propelled Frodo after the other two.

It was hard to judge the time as they crept through the reeking bog, following narrow paths of reasonably firm ground between tiny islands covered in scrub brush and insects. They stopped on one of these islands to eat. They'd only been there a short while when the air was split by a bone-chilling shriek that caused ripples in the stagnant water.

"Hide!" Gollum shrieked in response. He dove under the nearest bush, trembling in terror.

Frodo clutched at his chest and gasped in pain, his face turning pale. Sam and Hadeya grabbed his arms and dragged him under another bush, scrunching in beside him. Overhead, a reptilian-looking creature with wide leathery wings and a long, snake-like neck swooped overhead, the downdraft from the flap of its giant wings blasting the underbrush.

"Impressive," Hadeya murmured. "I think that's one of those Ringwraiths. That's certainly a better ride than a horse."

"That's hardly a good thing!" Sam exclaimed in a harsh whisper.

"I didn't say that," Hadeya whispered back. "I'm just acknowledging that this puts us at a tactical disadvantage."

Sam rolled his eyes and held on tightly to Frodo's hand. When the creature finally flew away, they crawled back out from under the bushes. "We'll have to keep a sharp eye out," Sam said.

"And no fire while we're still in the marsh," Hadeya added. "We'd be way too easy to spot from a distance."

Sam nodded mournfully. "A cold night in a filthy bog. What I wouldn't give for one warm night by a hearth fire back in the Shire."

"Me, too, Sam," Frodo echoed. His color had returned and he was sitting up.

"Time to go! Time to go!" Gollum said. "It's a long way across!"

"I wonder how the others are getting on," Sam said. "I daresay it has to be better than this."

But in fact, that was not the case. Far across the mountain range, well past the lake, and far out into the plains beyond, the other members of the Fellowship, along with the Gundam pilots and their kids, were dashing full-speed along a sparkling trail of glowing tiger paw prints.

"That really is a useful talent," Duo said as he raced along with Jett on his back.

"But are we getting any closer?" Gimli grunted. He was managing to keep up with the rest of them, but his shorter legs were churning along desperately to maintain the pace.

"Hard to say," Aragorn responded. "But I estimate we've come about fifteen leagues so far."

"Is that all?!" Gimli wheezed. "I thought we would be back at Rivendell by now!"

"Not quite," Aragorn replied, "but I think we must be getting close to Fangorn Forest."

"Roku's coming back," Duo interrupted.

Roku appeared a moment later, trotting along his own glowing paw prints. "I smell horses and men," he reported. "Lots of them. I think they're going to intersect our path."

"Are they approaching the Uruk-hai?" Legolas asked worriedly. "They might try to fight them."

"I have to stop," Duo said. "I can't mind-read and run at the same time." He skidded to a halt and closed his eyes. Everyone else stopped, too.

"That's a stupid limitation," Heero muttered.

"Everybody stop thinking!" Duo snapped. "I'm trying to listen."

Gimli blinked. "How is one supposed to not think?"

"I wouldn't think that would be your greatest worry," Legolas said.

"What?"

"Starting again should pose a greater concern."

"What?!"

"I said shut up!" Duo exclaimed.

"Ow!" Legolas and Gimli both squinted in pain.

"Perhaps we should have mentioned that he can project," Wu-Fei murmured.

"What do you mean?" Legolas asked, very carefully keeping his voice down. He was still rubbing his forehead.

"It's rather like getting poked in the head," Wu-Fei explained. "It hurts if he does it hard enough."

"I see."

"I'm reading several hundred men, I think," Duo said without opening his eyes. "And I'm pretty sure they know about the Uruk-hai. It sounds like they might be planning to ambush them." He turned his head slightly to the side. "I think the Uruk-hai have stopped. It sounds like they're making camp and…" He frowned, "eating somebody."

"Not one of the hobbits?!" Gimli exclaimed in horror.

"No." Duo shook his head firmly and opened his eyes. "One of their own. I could hear the hobbits. It's hard to pick them up over this distance, but I'm pretty sure it was both of them."

"Oh, that's a relief."

"But if those men attack the Uruk-hai, they might kill the hobbits, too," Treize said.

"We have to reach them before that happens!" Aragorn said. "Let's go!"

The group took off running again, but they had not caught up by dawn, and as the day got lighter, everyone could see smoke rising ahead of them.

"What's burning, Roku?" Heero demanded.

"Meat," Roku said. "And the horsemen are coming this way."

As he said it, a large force of riders crested the hill in front of them. Immediately, the riders spread out and surrounded the group on foot. Spears pointed inward, the riders hemmed them in until they were pressed close together.

"We're tracking a large group of orcs," Aragorn said quickly. "They've kidnapped two friends of ours."

"They were small," Gimli added. "They'd look like children to you."

One of the horsemen nudged forward and dismounted. He took off his helmet, revealing long, blond hair hanging around a stern, tired face. "We killed the orcs," he said. "We piled the carcasses and burned them." He pointed toward the column of smoke. "We saw no children among them, but none were spared. I'm sorry."

"No!" Gimli cried.

"I'll go," Quatre said. He slipped into falcon form and zipped away.

One soldier tracked him with a drawn bow, but before he could shoot, Trowa leaped in the air, did a flip with a half-twist and landed behind him on his horse. He calmly plucked the arrow off the string.

"None of that, please," he said.

There was an outburst among the horsemen, but the man who had dismounted shouted them back to order.

He scowled at Aragorn. "Just who are you?"

"I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn. My companions and I are on a quest for Elrond of Rivendell. But at the moment, we seek to rescue our two companions, as I said."

"But that one," the man indicated the departed Quatre. "He's a wizard?"

"Aye, but trustworthy," Aragorn replied.

"You've not told us your name, horse lord," Gimli grunted.

"I am Eomer, nephew to King Theoden of Rohan." He scowled. "But these are not good times. Few men are safe in these lands which once thrived under our hooves. I can spare you a few horses, if you desire them, but not enough to carry you all."

"A few is most appreciated, Eomer," Aragorn said.

Eomer beckoned and two horses trotted forward. "Good luck in your quest." He remounted his horse and he and his men rode away.

"Let's go!" Gimli said and he immediately raced off.

Quickly, they arrived at the scene of a slaughter. The ground was trampled, torn and stained with black orc blood. In the middle was a huge pile of charred bodies, still smoldering and stinking. Quatre circled high above it, scanning the area. He swooped down and landed as they stumbled to a halt.

"I don't see any sign of them," he said. "Do you smell them Roku?"

Roku walked away from the pile. "I think they went this way."

Aragorn joined him, examining the ground. "Look here," he said. "This impression was made by a hobbit." He scrambled to another spot. "And this!" He looked up, excited. "I think you're right. They ran this way." He ran to the edge of the forest, a tangled dark wall of tree branches that seemed to reach out for them.

Gimli swallowed. "They went in there? That place looks evil."

"Fangorn is an old forest," Legolas said. "It has seen much misery and the trees remember."

"I don't like it, Mommy," Alexa whimpered. "It's scary."

Zechs picked her up. "Don't worry, sweetheart. You're always safe with us."

Jett clung to Duo's leg and he picked her up, too. "Those trees do more than remember," he said. "They're muttering, too."

"Indeed?" Treize said. "Talking trees. That's unusual."

"Are there any sprites in there, Heero?" Wu-Fei said. "Perhaps they could put in a good word for us."

Heero scowled, but he walked to the edge of the forest and leaned in. "Hey!" he shouted. "It's me! Anybody in there?"

He waited and almost immediately, half a dozen little gray-green sprites appeared, staring at him with luminous eyes.

"Hello, Man with Many Faces!" one of the sprites trilled. "We've never seen you here before."

"Big surprise," he grunted. "We're looking for some hobbits. Two little men about the same size as you. They may have run in here last night."

The sprite blinked at him. "Hobbits?" It looked at its companions. They blinked back. The sprite looked back at Heero. "We saw horses," it offered.

"Great." Heero turned to the others. "I don't think they're going to be able to help us find Merry and Pippin. They obviously didn't mark them."

"What about just going into the forest?" Trowa said. "I'd rather not get killed by an angry tree."

Heero turned back to the sprites. "So these trees seem kind of irritated. Will they do something unpleasant if we come in there?"

The sprite shrugged. "They don't like axes. But these ones don't move much anymore. They may just try to snatch off your head." The sprite giggled. "It's funny when they do that."

"I'd class that as unpleasant," Treize murmured.

"We must go in anyway," Aragorn said. "I will not stop until we have rescued Merry and Pippin." He forged into the trees and the others followed, with varying degrees of reluctance. The sprites trotted along with them, disappearing and reappearing at random.

After traipsing a fair distance into the forest, Legolas sidled closer to Aragorn. "The White Wizard is here," he murmured.

Aragorn nodded. He drew his sword. Legolas drew an arrow from his quiver.

Roku sat down on his haunches and started grooming.

"Um, Roku," Wu-Fei said. "The White Wizard is a bad guy."

"He doesn't smell bad," Roku said. "He smells like Gandalf."

"What?"

"Now!" Aragorn cried. He whirled around swinging his sword. Legolas whirled around and shot his arrow. The arrow missed, and Aragorn cried out and dropped his sword as it turned white hot.

Bathed in a brilliant white glow, the White Wizard stepped forward and revealed himself to be… Gandalf.

"Told you," Roku said.

"Gandalf!" Aragorn cried. "But… We saw you fall!"

"I did fall," Gandalf said. His eyes lost focus. "I fell for a long time." He proceeded to tell the story of what happened to him in Moria. Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli listened in rapt awe. The Gundam pilots listened with open skepticism.

"Are you kidding me?" Quatre muttered to Trowa. "'Smote his ruin upon the mountainside'?" He rolled his eyes. "Who talks like that?"

"Have respect for the formerly dead," Treize admonished.

"Sorry."

"But," Gandalf concluded, "I must tell you that your current quest is over. The hobbits are safe but beyond your reach. I have another task for you now."

"But where are they?" Gimli cried.

"They follow their own path now," Gandalf said. "But don't despair. You will see them again. For now, we must go with all haste to Edoras. Saruman has stretched his hand into the very heart of Rohan and we must oust him 'ere he destroys that fabled realm."

"There he goes again," Quatre grumbled.

"Hush," Trowa murmured.

They all walked back to the edge of Fangorn, coming out some distance from the dead orcs. The horses Eomer had loaned them trotted down to meet them.

Gandalf pursed his lips and uttered a long musical whistle. A moment later, a beautiful white stallion galloped toward them across the plains, his long mane and tail flowing in the breeze of his passage. "This is Shadowfax…" he began pompously.

"How pretty!" Jett squealed.

The stallion skidded to a halt and reared in terror.

"Jett!"

"Sorry!"

Trowa trotted toward the skittish horse. "Sorry about that," he said in common horse. Then he switched to high horse. "Our youngest child meant to offer you her greeting, o mighty one."

The stallion pawed the ground and tossed his head. "Well, I must admit I was a bit startled," he replied, also speaking high horse. "But she seems a sweet human child. I came because I was summoned by one who is known to me." He trotted up to Gandalf, who patted him on the nose. "His speech is a little faulty, but I respect his wisdom."

Trowa blinked several times. "Gandalf is honored by men as well," he replied.

"What's he saying, Trowa?" Quatre asked curiously.

"That he respects Gandalf," Trowa replied.

Gandalf stared at him. "You speak to horses?"

"I speak to all animals," Trowa said. He turned back to Shadowfax. "There are quite a few more of us than we have horses to carry us. We need to travel swiftly to Edoras. Might you be able to help out?"

"Of course," Shadowfax whinnied. He trumpeted a loud neigh that echoed across the plains. Not long after, they could all hear the thunder of hooves and horses soon appeared galloping toward them from all directions. In seemingly no time at all, the entire party was mounted and riding, most of them bareback, across the rolling grasslands.

"This is certainly a lot easier than running," said Legolas, relaxing comfortably on the back of his galloping horse. "Wouldn't you say, Gimli?"

"I'd rather run," Gimli replied and he promptly fell off his horse.


	2. Edoras

Chapter 2: **Edoras**

Edoras was a collection of beautiful wooden structures built atop a commanding butte in the middle of a flood plain. The main hall was decorated with beaten gold and painted in bright colors.

"It's pretty," Treize remarked, "but one dragon could reduce the place to a smoldering ruin in no time. Don't dragons exist in this world?"

"They do," said Gimli in a grim voice, "but we dwarves have made it our life's work to rid the world of their evil."

"Dragons aren't evil," Wu-Fei said. "They just have a different world view than men. It gives them different goals."

"If it is your goal to burn cities to the ground and pillage them for their gemstones and precious metals," Gimli growled, "then I suppose you could call them not evil." He scowled at Wu-Fei, waiting for him to justify such a goal.

"Well," Wu-Fei said, "it's not something I would be interested in doing, but I imagine there are others who would like to do that."

"Yeah, pretty much every society in the history of Earth," Zechs said. "If your enemy has it and you want it, it's pretty easy to justify wiping him out so you can take it."

"Take what?" Alexa asked.

"Whatever it is you want and don't have that someone else has."

"That's not nice," Alexa said sagely. "If you want something you don't have, you should either make it, buy it or trade for it."

"Very wisely spoken, Alexa," Aragorn said. "If all in the world held such a belief, there would be no war."

"Except for the crazy people," Duo put in. "The nutcases will always start wars for the hell of it."

"That's true."

"We should take care in Edoras," Gandalf interrupted. "I fear Saruman has a tight hold on King Théoden. I don't know what we will face there."

"In that case, Roku, maybe you should be human for now," Quatre said. "If we don't know what we're going to run into, having a giant talking tiger in our midst might not be the best thing."

"Ok." Roku shimmered into human form, much to the relief of the horses, and clambered up behind Quatre.

They rode up the steep slope into the town, winding their way around the hill until they came out on top, facing the wide stone foundations of the main hall.

"It reminds me of Valhalla," Trowa said.

"I'm glad you said that," Quatre replied. "I was just thinking that these horsemen remind me of the heroes of Valhalla."

"There's definitely a resemblance."

They climbed the steps to a wide landing and were met by grim looking men.

"You must leave your weapons here," one said.

"You know us, Halma," Aragorn said. "This is Gandalf the Grey, a friend for many years of King Théoden. You know we bring no threat to your door."

Halma shifted uncomfortably. "I know," he said quietly, "but these orders come from Grima Wormtongue, who sits at the king's right hand these days."

"Ah," Aragorn said. He nodded to the others and began removing his weapons. Legolas handed over his bow and knives, and Gimli his axe. Treize and Zechs gave up their swords.

Heero handed over a couple of knives while blinking innocently. Everyone looked at him. He scowled and handed over three more knives. Duo tapped a foot. "Fine!" Heero snapped. He produced four more knives and crossed his arms angrily.

Halma blinked in surprise. "Where…" he began

"Don't ask," Wu-Fei said. He handed over his kitana.

"Should I get out my weapons, too?" Roku asked.

"You don't have any weapons!" Quatre interrupted sharply.

"But what about the mobile suit?"

"You said it was stripped down."

"Mostly."

Quatre glared at him. "You have no weapons!"

"Ok," Roku said uncertainly. He held out his empty hands to the guards and smiled.

"Very well," Halma said. "You may enter." He led the way inside. An assortment of unsavory-looking horsemen kept them hemmed in as they walked into the central chamber. The high roof was supported by rows of pillars topped with carved horse heads.

"It smells in here," Alexa whispered to Roku.

"It's the king," Roku whispered back. "I don't think he's bathed in a really long time."

"Ew!"

"You sure it's not him?" Duo muttered with distaste as an oily man oozed forward from his seat beside the king.

"You are not welcome here, Gandalf," he said, his high-pitched voice as oily as his appearance.

"Be silent, Grima," Gandalf snorted. "I am here to speak with Théoden King!" He waved his staff and the king flinched in pain.

"You have no power here, Gandalf the Grey!" Théoden wheezed. "My hold on the king is unshakable!"

"We'll see about that," Gandalf said. He waved his staff twice more and each time, Théoden winced and writhed in pain.

"Stop!" A woman's voice cried. "You're hurting him!" She dashed forward, but Aragorn caught her before she could interfere.

Gandalf waved his staff again and Théoden cried out, pushing back into his throne with a horrible grimace. Then he uttered a hoarse laugh. Gandalf scowled.

Duo's brow wrinkled. "That's really weird."

"What is?" Wu-Fei asked.

"I can hear two people in his head. One is really loud and the other sounds kind of smothered, but there are definitely two people."

"One of them must be Saruman," Quatre said.

"Probably the loud one," Trowa agreed.

"Ok," Duo said. "I'll try to evict him. Cover your brains; there might be backlash." He closed his eyes and frowned in concentration.

"Cover our brains?" Wu-Fei murmured.

Théoden abruptly yelped in surprise and pain. Then he slumped down on his throne like a puppet whose strings had been cut. Everyone else in the room grunted. A few people rubbed their foreheads.

"Sorry about that," Duo said. "It's hard to make that unidirectional."

The woman broke free from Aragorn's hold and rushed to Théoden's side. "Uncle!" she cried. "Uncle! Are you all right?"

Théoden stared blankly at her for a long moment and then rasped hoarsely. "Niece?"

"Yes!" she cried softly. "I am Eowyn. Your niece!"

"Eowyn." Théoden gazed at her and slowly his eyes regained focus and sanity. "What has happened?" he said weakly. "My memory is… unclear."

"Saruman clouded your mind," Gandalf exclaimed. "But now you are free of him."

"Saruman?" Théoden's eyes suddenly fixed on Grima, who had been trying unobtrusively to sneak out. Grima made a break for it and Gimli knocked him to the ground, planting a firm foot in the middle of Grima's scrawny chest. "Traitor!" Théoden cried. "Your evil magic is responsible for this!"

"No, Sire!" Grima cried. "I live only to serve you!"

"Well, your service is no longer required!" Théoden snatched up a big sword, with twin horse heads as a guard, and tottered toward Grima, ready to mete out some royal justice.

"Stay your hand, Sire," Aragorn said, catching Theoden's fist. "This worm is not worth your wrath. Cast him out. We have other devils to face."

Théoden strained briefly against Aragorn's restraining hand, but his wasted muscles had no power in them. He let the sword drop, but his glower never left Grima's terrified face. "Go! Get out of my kingdom!" he cried. "If I ever set eyes on you again, your life will be forfeit!"

"Eek!" Grima scrambled to his feet and scurried for the door, receiving several helpful kicks from laughing horsemen to move him along.

Théoden looked around. "I fear terrible things have happened while I've been under that evil spell."

"Fell things have indeed occurred," Gandalf said. "But it is not too late to stem the tide. We must take council at once."

"I think the king should have a bath first," Roku spoke up. He rubbed his nose. "His majesty is a little pungent."

Alexa and Jett nodded vigorously.

"While that might not have been the most diplomatic way to phrase it," Aragorn said, suppressing a smile, "I think Roku is right. I believe his majesty would benefit from a warm bath and a change of clothes before we sit down to discuss the issues facing us." He glanced at Eowyn. "Lady Eowyn perhaps may wish to inform his majesty of some significant events in private."

Eowyn gave him a grateful look. "You are a gentleman of great understanding, sir." She took Théoden's arm. "Come, Uncle, let me help you." She led Théoden away.

"Good call, Aragorn," Duo said. He moved closer to the others and lowered his voice. "The king's son died recently and Théoden doesn't know yet. He'll probably want to be alone for a little while."

"Ah," the others murmured.

"I'm hungry," Jett announced.

"Me, too," Alexa echoed.

Zechs smiled sweetly at Halma. "Perhaps our hosts would like to provide us with a meal while we wait."

Halma grinned. "It would be our pleasure," he said heartily. "You've done us a great service freeing our king from Wormtongue. Although perhaps you'll forgive us if we do a little housekeeping first." He turned abruptly and grabbed the throat of the man next to him. "There's some trash to take out." He dragged the slowly strangling man toward the doors.

A brief but exciting struggle ensued as several other men were also ejected.

Halma returned, dusting off his hands and smiling broadly. "Now then, you were asking about a meal. This way, please."

The people of Rohan knew how to put together a decent meal. Roasts of mutton, venison and assorted fowl, meat pies, fresh bread and lots of ale covered the tables.

Duo's eyes lit up. "Finally!" he exclaimed. "Real food! None of that wimpy elven crap!" He plopped down and helped himself to an entire roast chicken. "I'll start here!"

"Me, too, Papa!" Jett shrieked. Dust filtered from the rafters.

Duo shoved a chunk of roast mutton into her hands. "Less noise, more eating," he ordered. Jett complied with alacrity.

Everyone else joined them with a little more decorum. Gimli started by quaffing an entire tankard of ale before grabbing a mutton leg to munch on.

"Roku, quit eating like a tiger," Quatre admonished absently.

"Huh?" Roku looked up from where he had pinned a chunk of venison to the table with his hands so he could rip at it with his teeth. "But Gimli's eating like this."

Quatre sighed. "Then quit eating like Gimli."

Eowyn returned while they were still eating, her face grave. "I am afraid my uncle will not be able to meet with you this evening," she said. "His long ordeal has left him exhausted."

"That is unfortunate," Gandalf said. "We are pressed by urgent matters."

"I understand," Eowyn replied. "But please give my uncle a little more time."

"Of course."

"Will you join us, my lady?" Aragorn asked.

Eowyn smiled shyly. "In my uncle's absence, it is my place to serve as your hostess." She took a seat next to Aragorn. "I have borne much of that responsibility while my uncle was ill."

"He wasn't ill, technically," Duo pointed out. "He was possessed. Although possession by a living person rather than a dead one is a little unusual."

"He was under Saruman's control," Gandalf interjected. "But he will not be able to reestablish that link now that it's been broken." Gandalf gazed at Duo speculatively. "Now Rohan is faced with defending itself from Saruman's forces. It is this task which we must discuss with Théoden."

"I see," Eowyn answered. "But nevertheless, it will have to wait until tomorrow." She returned her shy smile to Aragorn's face. "Tonight I will do my meager best to entertain you."

Legolas scowled at her. "He's spoken for, you should now."

Eowyn started. "I beg your pardon?" She looked from Legolas to Aragorn. "Are you… ah… close acquaintances?"

"Not like that!" Legolas yelped. "I mean, there's a woman…"

"Hush, Legolas," Aragorn said. "I'm sure Lady Eowyn only means to be hospitable."

"Totally," Duo muttered.

"Of course," Legolas said, his cheeks flushed.

Alexa tugged at Zechs' sleeve. "Mommy, can we take a bath?"

"You'd better ask Lady Eowyn."

"Of course you may have a bath," Eowyn said with a charming smile.

"Us, too?" Roku asked, touching Jett's arm.

"Yes, everyone," Eowyn said. "We have a large bathing chamber. I'll go tell the kitchen to start boiling water." She glided from the room.

"When she said everyone," Treize said, eyeing Zechs, "do you suppose she really meant all of us? I'd love to have a bath myself."

"Why are you looking at me?" Zechs demanded.

"I thought maybe we could wash each other."

Zechs rolled his eyes. "It's all about getting into my pants, isn't it?"

"What better way to wind up a hard journey?"

"I love the way you think, Lord Kushranada," Duo grinned. He lifted his eyebrows at Wu-Fei. "Would you like to have your back oiled?"

Wu-Fei sighed. "Sadly, I would."

"I think I know how this evening is going to end up," Quatre remarked.

"It has been a while," Trowa noted.

"Not you, too."

"All these columns have given me an idea for a new position."

"No!" Quatre squeaked. "No new positions!"

"It'll be really easy, I think."

"Easy for whom?!"

"Well, me, mostly, but I think you could manage it."

Quatre hung his head. "Just make sure I can still ride a horse in the morning."

"Absolutely."

Meanwhile, half a continent or so away, Hadeya, Frodo, Sam and Gollum emerged from the marshes and made their way through low, rocky hills covered in sharp, serrated grass.

"The Black Gate," Gollum whined fearfully, inching up a steep slope on his belly. "It is just beyond! Careful! Careful!"

Everyone flattened down against the hill and crawled up until they could peak over the crest. On the far side, the slope dropped off sharply to an open plain split by a hard-packed, dusty road. An army marched down that road, the tips of their spears glittering in the harsh sunlight. Beyond the plain, sheer cliffs rose up like the walls of a giant city, and in the center of those cliffs, where the road terminated, were two enormous black gates.

"Well, that's a sight," Hadeya remarked.

A horn sounded, followed by shouts and the loud crack of whips. They could see two huge trolls being driven to operate the gate mechanism and the great gates slowly slid apart.

"Impressive," Hadeya murmured.

"We need to get down there!" Frodo said. "Now's our chance, while the gates are open!"

"Are you nuts?!" Hadeya exclaimed. "There's an army down there!"

"We can follow them in!" Frodo said. "Our elven cloaks will hide us!"

"I don't think so."

"But we have to get into Mordor!"

Sam crawled closer to the edge and looked over. "I think I see a way down," he said. He moved just a little farther and promptly started to fall. "Ah!"

Hadeya caught one of his hairy feet and pulled him back. "Do you mind?" he snapped. "I would prefer not to get caught."

Sam blushed sheepishly. "Sorry!"

Gollum whimpered and made that nasty swallowing sound. "Not that way!" he whined. "Too many eyes! He'll see us!" He shuddered.

"But how else are we to get in?" Frodo demanded.

"There's another way!" Gollum said. "A secret way!"

Hadeya glared at him. "You know a better way in but you brought us here anyway?"

"Master said take him to the Black Gate!" Gollum whined. "I did what Master said!"

"I should have slit your throat," Hadeya grumbled. "What a complete waste of time. How far is it to this secret entrance?"

"Not far!" Gollum nodded vigorously, starting to slide back down the hill. "Gollum will show you! It's much better! Much safer! Come! Come!"

Hadeya rolled his eyes. "I knew having a muttering madman as a guide would be bad."

They had to divert nearly back to the edge of the swamp to avoid the road with the army marching down it, but eventually they ended up in some fairly nice country of rolling, tree and shrub covered hills.

"This is a definite improvement," Hadeya said.

"I agree," Sam said. "Maybe we could have a bit of a fire and bite of warm food," he added hopefully.

"Why not?" Hadeya picked up a dry branch. "This stuff should burn without making much smoke. Let's pick a spot."

So he and Sam found a nice campsite near a tiny stream and built a small fire. Sam filled a pot with water and put it on to boil. "Some meat sure would be nice," he said wistfully.

Gollum skittered into camp with a couple of rabbits dangling from his jaws. "Look, Master!" he cried, dropping the rabbits in Frodo's lap. "Rabbits!"

"Ugh!" Frodo cried.

"Get away from him!" Sam cried. He shooed Gollum away and retrieved the rabbits, his eyes gleaming. "I know just what to do with these!" He whipped out his belt knife.

"What are you doing?!" Gollum squealed. "You're ruining them!"

"Oh, shut up!" Sam snapped. He proceeded to skin and cut up the rabbits so he could put them in his pot of water. "I have some spices, but that's it, I'm afraid. So it will be rabbit soup rather than stew, but that beats the alternatives."

"Works for me," Hadeya said.

Later, having not eaten much, Frodo wandered off while Sam and Hadeya cleaned up.

"Sam!" Frodo called. "Come quick!"

"What is it, Mr. Frodo?" Sam cried worriedly. He hurried to where Frodo was lying on his belly looking at something through a screen of underbrush. Sam pushed up next to hm. "Oh!"

"What are you looking at?" Hadeya asked. He squeezed in next to them. "Oh, wow!"

In a valley below them, another army was marching through, accompanied by oversized elephants.

"It's an oliphaunt, Mr. Frodo!" Sam exclaimed. "No one will ever believe it!" The two exchanged amazed glances, which turned to shock when arrows suddenly flew out of the underbrush on all sides of them, decimating the ranks of the army below them.

"Shit!" Hadeya exclaimed. "This is the worst quest ever!" He grabbed each hobbit by an arm. Gollum was nowhere in sight. "Let's go!" But they didn't get far. Men suddenly rose up all around them with drawn bows. Hadeya hung his head. "Father would be completely disgusted with me," he grumbled.

One of the bowmen approached them, his eyes sliding curiously over their elven cloaks. "These lands are forbidden to travelers," he said. "What brings you here?"

"We're just passing through," Hadeya said quickly. "We don't mean to cause any trouble."

The bowman smirked. "Well, trouble is what you've found. It is my duty to patrol this region and keep it free of vermin." His eyes moved pointedly to the dead soldiers in the valley below. "Give me a reason why I shouldn't class you as such?"

"We're on a quest!" Frodo said hastily. "It's a secret quest commissioned by Lord Elrond of Rivendell. You would do well not to interfere with us!" His attempt to sound ominous was less than successful given his small stature and rather high-pitched voice.

The bowman just lifted an eyebrow. "Oh, really? I think I would like to hear more. Bind their hands," he ordered one of his companions. "We'll take them with us."

They were led quickly across country and then blindfolded so they could not see the secret hideout of the bowman. But once they were inside the hidden cave, their hands were freed and their blindfolds removed.

"Now then," the lead bowman said. "Tell me about your quest." An unhappy look crossed his face.

"Why should we tell you?" Hadeya snapped. "Did you miss the part where my companion said it was a secret?"

The bowman crossed his arms. "Recently, my brother went to Rivendell to take council with Lord Elrond."

"Your brother?" Hadeya studied his face. "You are Boromir's brother?"

"That is correct. I am Faramir of Gondor, second son of the Steward of Gondor." He leaned toward them. "Several nights ago I had a dream in which I saw my brother floating dead in the river. What do you know of this?"

"Boromir dead?!" Frodo squeaked. "He was alive when I last saw him!"

"He's not dead," Hadeya added decisively. "He got shot full of orc arrows and probably would have died, but my half-brother fixed him. He was going to go back to Minas Tirith, I think."

"In truth?!" Relief flooded Faramir's face. "I had feared the worst! My brother and I have been close since childhood and that dream left me with the most terrible feeling. I don't know what I'd do if I could not enjoy my brother's close companionship again. But," he drew himself up and took on a stern expression, "now that you know who I am, perhaps you will grant me the courtesy of telling me about your quest."

"In front of fewer ears would be nice," Hadeya responded.

"Very well." Faramir led them into a corner. He lifted an eyebrow at Hadeya.

Hadeya clapped a hand on Frodo's shoulder. "Frodo here is in possession of a ring of power. We're charged with the task of tossing it into the volcano in the middle of Mordor."

"A ring of power?" Faramir fixed his eyes on Frodo. "There can only be one ring of power that would require such a fate. The One Ring of Sauron."

"That would be it."

"And how did you plan to get into Mordor?"

"Ah, well…"

"Perhaps you had a guide?" Faramir said pointedly. "A skinny, unpleasant-looking fellow, maybe?"

"There was no one else!" Frodo said hastily.

Hadeya put a hand over his face. "It's obvious he saw him, Frodo. Let's not dig ourselves in any deeper. That scummy creature is our guide. He says there's a back way into Mordor."

"He does?" Faramir blinked in surprise. "There is a way in, but it is very dangerous."

"More dangerous than walking through the front gate?"

Faramir chuckled. "Probably not. Well, it's your quest, so I'll not interfere. But I would urge you not to get caught. If Sauron gets the ring, we will all die hideous deaths."

"We'll try to avoid that."

"Well," Faramir said, "the news of my brother has cheered me greatly. Perhaps I will go look for him. In the meantime, you can rest the night here and dine with us. Tomorrow, I can put you on the path to the back entrance."

"We'd appreciate that."

"Wait here. My men and I have other business to attend to. I'll come for you when it's time to eat."

"Thanks."

Faramir walked off, and when he was out of earshot, Frodo grabbed Hadeya's arm.

"Are you sure it was a good idea to tell him all that?" Frodo whispered anxiously. "What if he tries to take the ring, like Boromir did?"

"It takes time for the ring to tempt people, apparently," Hadeya replied. "If he lets us go tomorrow, I don't think we'll have any problems. Besides, I trust him. He's more concerned about his brother than anything else. I like a man with strong family ties."

"Where do you suppose Gollum got to?" Sam asked.

Hadeya scowled. "It seems Gollum was paying more attention than I was," he replied in annoyance, "and managed not to get caught. I'm sure he'll find us once we hit the road tomorrow."

"That would be too bad," Sam muttered.

"I know what you mean," Hadeya agreed. "I would be extremely happy if I never had to listen to his whiny, irritating voice and nauseating noises ever again."


	3. Rohan Invaded!

Chapter 3: **Rohan Invaded!**

After the funeral of King Théoden's son, refugees turned up to report that vast hordes of wild men were invading Rohan, burning everything and slaughtering everyone as they passed. This news was especially dismaying given that the bulk of Théoden's forces, the formidable cavalry known as the Riders of Rohan, led by Eowyn's brother Eomer, had been banished by Grima while he was still running the kingdom as a proxy for Saruman.

"We cannot stand against these men in Edoras," Théoden said angrily. "This is a city of wood. They will set us aflame and hundreds will die. We must retreat to the safety of Helm's Deep. That stone fortress can easily withstand their primitive weapons."

Quatre glared sternly at Heero to make sure he made no comment regarding Edoras' implied inability to stand against these same primitive weapons. "Is it far?"

"A day's walk," Théoden replied. "We can make it easily."

"Even lugging women and children?" Gimli said. "If we're caught in the open, surely that would be worse than here."

"The women of Rohan are sturdy," Eowyn interjected in a firm voice. "We can endure any hardship."

Aragorn acknowledged her statement with a nod, but he turned a doubtful gaze on Théoden. "Are you certain this is the wisest course, Théoden? There is no escape from that fortress. If you are caught in a siege, hundreds may still die."

"But we will emerge the stronger," Théoden declared. "We have survived this way before. This is my decision. We will go to Helm's Deep." He lowered his voice and faced Aragorn worriedly. "Besides, we have no choice. We have too few men to defend the city. We can do more with less at the fortress."

Gandalf frowned but he nodded. "Perhaps this is our only course, but you will need help before the end. I will ride out and look for Eomer. We will meet you at Helm's Deep."

"Thank you, Gandalf," Théoden said gravely.

"Just make sure you hold the siege!"

Treize frowned. "I'm not sure I want Alexa to go through a siege. A simple fight is one thing, but bombardment by siege engines is unpredictable."

"I agree," Zechs said. "Alexa and Jett are a little young for a siege battle."

"You need not fear," Eowyn said. "There are caves in back of the fortress where non-fighters stay during the battle. This is well away from the bombardment and completely safe."

Duo blinked. "Jett, in a cave, startled," he said. He exchanged a look with Heero. "That's sounds extraordinarily bad."

"Are there stalactites in these caves?" Wu-Fei asked.

"Yes," Eowyn said. "The caves are full of them. It's quite beautiful."

"And completely deadly when Jett knocks them loose," Heero concluded. "So what do we do?"

"I can take them to find Pippin and Merry," Zechs said.

"How do you plan to do that?" Legolas asked. "Gandalf said they were beyond our reach."

"Jett can find them," Duo said. "She's good at that."

"Do you mind going?" Treize said to Zechs. "You'll miss the fight."

Zechs lifted an eyebrow. "I'm a pacifist, remember? Of course I don't mind."

Treize chuckled. "Of course. I'll miss you, though." He gave Zechs a sultry look. "We'll have to make it up to each other later."

"Slowly and deeply," Zechs purred.

Eowyn's cheeks turned pink.

"Very well," Aragorn said loudly. "If this is the plan, we should make ready and leave at once."

"We'll travel with you until Jett says we need to go another way," Zechs said.

Aragorn nodded.

So with the decision made, the evacuation of Edoras was begun. Gandalf departed immediately on Shadowfax, promising to arrive with Eomer and his forces at Helm's Deep in a few days. Not long after, with bundles on their backs or in small carts, the population of Edoras set out for the long walk to Helm's Deep, escorted by the few Riders remaining in the city.

The Gundam pilots, traveling on foot so their horses could be used by others, had barely exited the gate when Roku began to shift uncomfortably.

"I've been a human for two days," he said to no one in particular.

Quatre gave him a look.

"My fur's all matted."

"How can you tell?" Legolas asked curiously. "You don't have fur in this form."

Roku scratched behind his ear. "I just know."

"There are a lot of people," Wu-Fei remarked. "Someone's bound to be afraid of you."

"I'll flank the column and stay out of sight."

"The Riders need to know," Quatre said. "They have scouts out. If one of them spots you, he might sound an alarm. I can just see these people stampeding and getting scattered all over the place."

Eowyn, who happened to be passing at that moment, overheard this remark and frowned. "Our people will not stampede," she said. "We understand that we must follow orders to allow the Riders to defend us."

"In that case," Quatre replied, "please have King Théoden pass word to his Riders not to worry about the tiger in our midst. He's with us."

"Tiger?" Eowyn questioned.

"Yeah, me," Roku responded, and he shifted into tiger form.

"Eek!" Eowyn squeaked. She took two quick steps back. Her eyes flicked to Quatre and back to Roku. "Is he a sorcerer?"

"Yes," Quatre said, "but he's a good guy, like Gandalf. Anyway, this is his normal form, so he's more comfortable like this."

Roku padded up to Eowyn and licked the back of her hand. "I like belly rubs," he said. "My tummy fur is really soft," he added hopefully.

After a brief hesitation, Eowyn reached out and petted Roku on the head. He rubbed against her thigh. "Oh, my!" Eowyn exclaimed. She petted him some more and smiled. "I'll go inform my uncle." She gave Roku one more pat and then hurried off.

"Well, that was easy," Quatre said. "But be careful anyway, Roku."

"I will." Roku trotted off and disappeared into a fold in the hillside.

They marched without incident until midday, when Théoden called a halt for lunch. Fires were started so hot food could be prepared, because marching over hills was a lot of work. He wanted everyone to keep their strength up.

Eowyn helped with the cooking, diligently chopping vegetables and adding herbs to a bubbling pot containing chunks of fat-laced preserved meat. When she deemed it finished, she ladled generous portions into bowls and brought them to where Aragorn and the Gundam pilots were sitting. "I have hot stew," she said with an eager smile. She had only managed to bring four bowls, carefully balanced in her hands and on her arms. "There's enough for everyone." She handed the bowls to Aragorn, Duo, Heero and Trowa. "I'll be right back with more."

Wu-Fei got one whiff of the soupy concoction and turned green. "No way!" he choked. "I am not eating that!" He stumbled away with his hand over his mouth.

Aragorn tried a small spoonful and his face went completely blank. Heero sniffed his stew and blinked several times. He and Trowa watched Duo expectantly.

Duo lifted a spoonful of the stew to his mouth and ate it. He chewed thoughtfully. He swallowed. "Hm…" he said.

Eowyn returned with more bowls, which she gave to Quatre, Alexa, Jett and Treize. "Where is Wu-Fei? I have more bowls ready."

"He has a restricted diet," Zechs said smoothly, "as do I. We'll make do with our supplies, thank you."

"Oh, all right." Eowyn smiled encouragingly. "Well, eat up, the rest of you. You'll need the energy." She watched them expectantly, waiting for them to eat.

"You'd better get yours before it's all gone, Eowyn," Trowa said.

"Yes, of course!" Eowyn laughed nervously and hurried back to her pot.

Aragorn promptly dumped his stew on the ground.

Duo drew a deep breath. "I thought this was something I would never say, but whatever is in that pot is not food. Fresh entrails served on lambas bread would go down better."

"Are you sure that's not what it is?" Heero eyed the contents of his bowl suspiciously.

"Where's Roku when we need him?" Trowa said. "He's bound to have something edible in his storage space."

"I'll get him," Duo said. He dumped his stew on the ground and everyone else followed suit.

A moment later, Roku appeared, trotting casually through the crowd to a host of exclamations, cries and squeals. He stopped before he reached them. "What is that horrible stench?!" he exclaimed. His whiskers twitched. "Three week old dead rodent that's been buried, dug up, soaked in brine, buried again, dug back up, eaten and then vomited back out after an hour would smell better."

"Thank you for that unnecessarily detailed description, Roku," Quatre said. "Do you have anything to eat?"

"Yeah, but can we go somewhere else? That smell is turning my stomach."

"This from the tiger who knows what stinking swamp mud tastes like," Heero muttered, but he rose along with everyone else as the group relocated some distance away.

When they were seated again, Roku produced several loaves of bread, a couple of roasted chickens, a ham and a dozen or so apples from his storage space.

"You've been hoarding again," Duo remarked.

"I like to be prepared."

They ate the food quickly to make sure Eowyn didn't catch them.

"We don't want to hurt her feelings," Aragorn said.

"We'd be doing everyone a service if we told her to stay away from the cook pot," Heero said. "Food like that could kill someone."

After lunch, their trek resumed. Eowyn walked beside Aragorn, chatting casually. "I think my uncle may have had his wits addled by his long illness," she confided. "He says he remembers you from a war that was fought in his youth."

"His memory is fine," Aragorn assured her. "Although I'm surprised he recalls it. He was just a boy then."

"But…" Eowyn stared. "You would have to be…" she swallowed and didn't finish the sentence.

"I am eighty-seven," Aragorn said.

Her eyes went round. "You are one of the Dunedain!"

"That's right," Legolas said, just a little too triumphantly. "He's too old for you."

"But not for an elf," Duo muttered.

"That's funny!" Alexa said, riding on Treize's shoulders. "You're a lot older than you look, Mr. Aragorn. Roku, Jett and I are all much younger."

"Oh, really?" Eowyn said too brightly. "How much younger?"

"Well, Roku is almost thirteen years old, but he's really just six, and Jett is six, but she's really two, and I'm eight, but I'm really only three."

Eowyn blinked several times.

"But with all our vacations, it's hard to keep track of birthdays, so we just pick the age we want to be anyway."

Eowyn looked straight ahead. "I see."

Duo suddenly flinched. "Trouble!" He pulled two knives from his built. "Roku says there's an ambush!" He took off at a run.

Just then, a clash of swords echoed over the next rise and a man screamed.

"Riders!" Théoden cried. "To me! Eowyn, lead the women and children to safety at Helm's Deep!"

"But…"

"Go!" Théoden cried. "You must lead them in my absence!" He kicked his horse to a gallop and raced for the rise.

Zechs took Alexa from Treize. "Go fight. Jett says we need to branch off now anyhow, so we'll wait until you have all the orcs engaged and take off. Good luck." He kissed Treize soundly. "Don't get hurt or we will have words later."

"Of course not, my love." Treize returned his kiss and dashed off.

Zechs took Jett and Alexa each by a hand. "Ok, Jett, lead the way. Make sure we don't run into anything bad."

"Ok, uncle Zechs."

"Eowyn!" Zechs called. "We're leaving now. Take care!"

"But what about the orcs?!"

"We'll avoid them." Zechs smiled warmly. "Don't worry about us. Tend to your people. We'll see you later." He and the girls slipped off down the slope, using the vegetation as cover. Within moments, they were completely out of sight.

Over the rise, a battle raged. Orcs on wargs, giant dog-like creatures bigger than horses, attacked the men of Rohan savagely. Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas and the Gundam pilots jumped into the fray with eager enthusiasm.

Grinning broadly, Heero lopped heads off wargs and orcs alike. Wu-Fei rather artistically leaped over the wargs and hacked the riders off their backs with his kitana. Quatre blasted anything that wasn't a man, elf, dwarf, horse or Roku with sizzling balls of fire. Trowa diverted himself by jumping onto the backs of running wargs and snapping the necks of their riders with his bare hands, after which Duo would knife the warg as it went by, cutting open its jugular. Roku was having fun hamstringing the wargs so that their riders would get dumped on the ground, where they had to face Treize on foot and be dispatched by his superior swordsmanship. Overall, it was a pretty good fight.

But when it was over, Aragorn was nowhere to be seen. Legolas was beside himself, especially when he found Aragorn's pendant clutched in the fist of a dying orc.

"He's not among the dead," Treize tried to reassure him.

"At least those we can see," Heero said.

"That's not helping."

"I'm just saying."

"Duo, can you hear him?"

"No, but I wouldn't if he's unconscious."

"Roku, do you smell him?" Quatre asked.

Roku trotted across the battlefield to the edge of a ravine with a swift-flowing river at the bottom. "I think he went over the edge."

Everyone looked over the edge. It was a very long drop.

"That's not good," Gimli murmured.

"I'll go find him," Roku said. "Don't worry. I'll meet up with you at Helm's Deep."

"Be careful," Quatre said.

"I will." Roku shifted into falcon form and dropped off the edge.

"Let's go," Théoden ordered. "We have to get to the fortress and secure it before more enemy forces arrive."

They arrived on the heels of the refugees from Edoras. Quite a few people were already holed up in the keep, having fled from other parts of Rohan to escape the wild men.

Eowyn was dismayed when she saw that Aragorn was not among them. "Lord Aragorn was not killed was he?"

"We don't know," Gimli said gravely. "We lost him."

"Don't worry," Duo said. "Roku will find him."

They climbed up onto the battlements and Treize looked around appreciatively. "This is a nice keep." Then his eyes fell on something below and he frowned. "Why is there a stunning weakness in your shield wall?"

"No enemy has ever breached this fortress," Théoden declared.

Treize pointed. "How could anyone miss the giant gaping hole in your wall?!"

"We do not allow enemy forces to get close enough to take advantage of it!"

"But it's a giant gaping hole!"

"It is a small drainage culvert!" Théoden retorted hotly. He stood nose to nose with Treize.

"This place is a sieve and we will be flossing our teeth with orcs by sunrise."

"You…" Théoden began, his face turning beet red.

"Lord Treize," Legolas interrupted, pulling Théoden away, "I'm sure King Théoden knows how to defend his keep. Why don't we see how the refugees are settling?"

Treize stalked away, muttering to himself.

"Please forgive him, King Théoden," Quatre said soothingly. "He's just on edge because Zechs is gone. He'll feel better once the fight starts."

"Hmph, well, of course," Théoden grumbled. He started issuing orders to his men.

Late in the afternoon, while non-fighters were being moved into the caves and anyone who looked like he might be able to fight was handed a sword and told to use the pointy end for killing things, Duo tipped his head to the side and listened with his eyes closed.

"Do you hear something, Duo?" Wu-Fei asked.

"Yeah, it's Roku. He found Aragorn and a horse, so they're on their way here." Duo listened some more. "Oh, and he says there's a force of about ten thousand orcs headed this way."

"Ten thousand? That seems like overkill."

"Maybe Saruman has self-esteem issues," Trowa put in with a smirk.

Duo opened his eyes and grinned. "You mean like: great big army, tiny little…"

"We know what he meant," Quatre interrupted. "When will Roku and Aragorn get here?"

"About an hour."

"You should go tell Théoden. I'll go let them know at the gate."

When Aragorn and Roku arrived, they were greeted with cheers, which quickly turned to fear and dismay when the pair reported on the size of the army they had seen.

"They have siege engines, too," Roku said. "Big ones. Are you sure it's a good idea to have that great big hole in your wall down there?"

Treize folded his arms and gave Théoden a superior smirk.

Théoden scowled. He ignored Roku's comment. "We will be ready for them! This fortress has withstood worse!" He stamped off, shouting new orders.

"Somehow I doubt that," Wu-Fei said.

"It does seem unlikely," Trowa agreed.

"I hope Zechs and the girls are all right," Treize said. "They don't even have the benefit of a curtain wall with holes in it to protect them."

"Zechs is a superior tactical officer," Quatre said. "They'll never know he's out there. And if that hole bothers you so much, why don't you go down and figure out how to secure it without the water backing up into the castle?"

Treize blinked in sudden surprise. "Why not let the water back up? What an excellent defense! If the whole area is filled with water and they breach the wall, we're bound to drown a bunch of them."

"If the whole area is filled with water," Heero pointed out, "our primary means of retreat will be cut off."

"But we will only need to retreat if the wall is breached, at which point the water will have drained away."

Heero thought about this for a minute. "Ok, I agree. Let's go plug up that hole. Roku, come help us."

"Ok."

"Even if they plug it," Quatre said, "it will still be a structural weak point in that wall. We better keep an eye on what the orcs do around it during the battle."

"I agree," said Trowa.

It got dark as the sun sank, but not just because the sun was setting. Thick clouds were building up in the sky above them, threatening rain.

Treize rubbed his hands together gleefully. "Rain will help! Look, we've already got a significant lake forming." Water lapped against the base of the wall across nearly half of its length, spreading out from the drain at the center. "I understand why they put in the drain, but it really does assume you can keep your enemy from getting too close to the wall. I don't think that's going to happen with ten thousand fighters facing us."

"You assume the curtain wall is going to be breached," Wu-Fei said.

"Undoubtedly," Treize replied offhandedly. "But it should be pretty exciting when it is."

A horn sounded.

"They're here!" someone cried in panic, but someone else exclaimed, "That's not an orc horn!"

Cries of "Open the gate!" echoed through the keep, and soon everyone could see the neat ranks of Elven bowmen marching up the ramp. Cheers rose up as they filed in. When the head of the column reached the entrance to the keep proper, Théoden came out to meet them, along with Aragorn, Legolas and Quatre.

"You are a welcome sight, Haldir!" Aragorn greeted the elf leading the troop.

Haldir inclined his head and faced Théoden. "King Théoden, we elves have not forgotten the treaties of old. We will help you survive this night."

"Thank you!" Théoden and his men stared in amazement at the elves. It was obviously the last thing he had expected to see.

"By the way," Haldir said, "why is there water leaking out from under your curtain wall?"

"Long story," Quatre said quickly. "Aragorn, why don't you get Haldir and his bowmen into position?"

Duo dashed up, his hand pressed to the side of his head. "That would be a good idea," he said. "There's, like, a million really loud orcs out there. I'm going to have to block everything out, so don't expect any long-distance communication from me, ok?"

"Understood," Quatre said, "but warn the others first."

Duo squinted. "Done! Let's get to the wall. That's where they'll get over first."

"Right!"

Duo and Quatre dashed off to take places on the curtain wall. Aragorn, Legolas and Haldir followed them, along with the rest of the elves. The battle for Helm's Deep was about to begin.


	4. Helm's Deep

Chapter 4: **Helm's Deep**

"Mommy," Alexa asked worriedly, "are Daddy and the others going to be ok? That was a really big army we saw."

"They'll be fine, sweetheart." Zechs squinted over a low rise. Three horses grazed in the hollow below them. "Good job finding some horses, Jett."

"I think they're hiding from the orcs, too, Uncle Zechs," Jett said.

"Probably. Wait here." Zechs slid over the rise and moved slowly into the hollow, clucking softly. The horses looked up and pricked their ears at him. One finally walked over and nuzzled his outstretched hand. Zechs beckoned to the girls. When they joined him, he lifted Jett and then Alexa onto the horse's back before leaping up behind them. "Ok, let's go find the hobbits." He reached around the girls to grab a handful of mane and steered the horse out of the hollow.

Far away, in the hideout of Faramir's forces, Hadeya, Frodo and Sam were awakened by a soldier. "Come with me," the man said. "Lord Faramir has something to show you."

The soldier led them through narrow tunnels, whose bottoms gradually became slick with moisture. Eventually, they could hear the rushing sound of a large waterfall. He finally led them out onto a ledge, where Faramir stood with two men holding drawn bows, aiming at something down below.

"Come here," Faramir whispered. He pointed down. "Would that creature be the guide you spoke of?"

Frodo and Hadeya peeked over the edge. Far below, at the base of the waterfall in a pool of clear water, Gollum could be seen munching on a fish.

Frodo groaned. "Yes."

"That pool is sacred. It is forbidden to enter it," Faramir said. "I should have him shot."

Hadeya wrinkled his nose. "I can't give you much of an argument why you shouldn't, but it would be inconvenient."

"Hadeya!" Frodo gasped.

"I bet we could manage without him," Sam put in.

"Sam!" Frodo blinked at him in dismay.

"Are you certain you can trust this creature?" Faramir asked. "I assume he is leading you to the pass at Cirith Ungol. It is not safe even without the orcs occupying the fortress which guards it."

"Sadly, we have few options," Hadeya said. "Our quest requires us to enter Mordor undetected, and from what I understand, there aren't a whole lot of ways to do that."

"That's true," Faramir agreed. "Very well. I'll let the creature live, but he can't keep swimming in the sacred pool." He signaled and men suddenly appeared around the pool, their bows trained on Gollum.

"Ah!" Gollum shrieked. He splashed through the pool and tried to escape on the far side, but more men appeared and he was quickly captured. They put a hood over his head and tied his hands behind his back.

"I will return him to you in the morning," Faramir said. "It is almost dawn now. I will give you supplies for your journey that should last you across the border, but beyond that, I cannot help you."

"Any assistance you provide is greatly appreciated, Lord Faramir," Frodo said with a bow.

"Just have a care once you are in the pass. A great evil lurks there."

"We'll keep that in mind."

Back in the small chamber where they were sleeping, Frodo frowned at the other two. "You should have more sympathy toward Gollum," he said defensively. "The Ring's influence has left him a very sorry creature. It's not his fault he is the way he is."

"I can accept that," Hadeya said. "But that doesn't mean I have to like him. And I completely don't trust him. That same influence I'm sure will drive him to betray us at the first opportunity."

"You don't know that!"

"Perhaps not, but my father has taught me not to place my trust where it hasn't been earned."

Sam nodded vigorously. "I agree!"

"Well, I'm in charge!" Frodo said sternly. "So I will decide if he can be trusted or not!"

Hadeya and Sam exchanged a look. "Sure, Frodo," Hadeya said. He leaned closer to Sam. "Make sure to keep your knife where you can reach it quickly."

"Will do," Sam said.

Frodo glared at them, but he said nothing else.

At dawn, Faramir came for them. "We have received word of more Easterlings making their way north to the Black Gate. We will be moving out shortly to intercept them. I can guide you partway along your path. I will not be unbinding your companion until we part ways; so hopefully, he will be able to get his bearings quickly."

"I'm sure it will be fine," Hadeya said. "We appreciate your help."

Before leaving the caves, Faramir saw their packs refilled with travel rations and gave them new canteens filled with fresh water. Then they were blindfolded so that they would not know exactly where the entrance to the caves was and Faramir's men guided them skillfully over the rough terrain until they were well down the slope. When their blindfolds were removed, only Faramir and a handful of his men were present, along with the still bound and hooded Gollum.

"Here is your companion, as promised," Faramir said with distaste in his voice. "We haven't fed him."

"Thanks," Hadeya said. "We'll take care of it."

"Good." Faramir held out his hand. "Well, here we must part. I've sent my men ahead, but it's time for me to join them and do that for which I was posted here."

"Of course." Hadeya shook his hand. "Farewell and hopefully, we will meet again."

"I hope so, too." Faramir shook hands with Frodo and Sam. Then he signaled to his remaining men and they melted away into the trees.

Frodo immediately hurried to Gollum and pulled off his hood. "It's all right now, Gollum. You're safe with us."

"Safe?" Gollum whined. "Bad men were mean to us! They didn't feed us and kicked us with their nasty boots!"

"Probably because you were whining all night," Hadeya said unsympathetically. He pulled out his belt knife and Gollum squealed in fear. Hadeya rolled his eyes. "Oh, shut up! While slitting your throat might be my first choice, I'm just going to cut you loose." He proceeded to slit the rope holding Gollum's hands behind his back. "Anyway, Frodo saved your life by keeping those men from shooting you in the pool, so show some gratitude. Now on your feet and get moving."

"What about food?" Gollum wailed. "We're hungry!"

"You were stuffing your face with fish last night!" Sam declared. "You'll eat when we do, so quit whining and start walking."

Gollum did start walking, but there was no stopping the whining part. He whined and moaned and groaned at every step, until Sam had to press his hands over his ears and Hadeya walked with his fist clenched tight around the knife sheathed at his waist. Finally, unable to stand it anymore, he whipped out the knife and rifled it at Gollum, where it plunged into the ground right where the annoying little man was about to put his hand.

"Eek!" Gollum shrieked. He skittered away from the knife and cowered against the ground. "Don't kill us! Don't kill us!"

"Then shut the fuck up!" Hadeya shouted. He snatched his knife out of the ground. "I have the patience of the gods, I might point out, but you're trying me sorely! Next time, I'm aiming for the base of your skull." He waggled the knife with the point aimed toward Gollum.

Gollum swallowed. Silently, he started slinking down the trail, casting fearful glances over his shoulder.

Sam dropped his hands to his sides and smiled. "That's much better! Now we can enjoy the peace and quiet of the woods." Then he glanced at Frodo and his smile faded. Frodo marched along beside them with a faint, unhappy frown on his face. "Are you all right, Mr. Frodo?"

"I'm fine, Sam," Frodo said. He managed a weak smile.

When they took a break, Sam handed out bread and cheese to everyone, including Gollum. Gollum wolfed his down in silence, still throwing frightened glances at Hadeya. Frodo ate his food very slowly.

"Are you sure you're all right, Mr. Frodo?" Sam asked again. "You're not eating much."

Frodo glanced at the uneaten food in his hand. "I'm just not that hungry." He scratched at the front of his chest, where the Ring hung hidden behind his clothing. "The Ring gets heavier the closer we get to Mordor. It's tiring."

"Oh." Sam blinked, but he didn't say anything else. But as they prepared to resume walking, he surreptitiously moved several items from Frodo's pack to his.

Late in the afternoon, Gollum led them onto a narrow path that led up into the mountains. As they climbed, they could eventually see the plains behind them, where a wide paved road led to the ruins of an attractive stone city just visible in the distance.

"That road must lead to the lower pass and the big fortress that Faramir told us about," Hadeya said. "I hope we don't get too close to it."

"No, not close!" Gollum quickly assured him, swallowing several times. "We'll stay above it. But it's a steep climb. There are stairs and a path and a tunnel. But the orcses won't find us once we're in the tunnel. Yes, the tunnel is where we want to go."

Hadeya glared at him suspiciously. "Is that so? Well, I don't want to get there after dark. With all the smoke and ash from the volcano, it's like night right now anyway." He glanced around. "That clearing there is pretty flat. Let's camp there until morning and then try this tunnel."

Frodo nodded in weary agreement, so the four of them settled down for the night.

As they munched on a cold dinner, Sam stared off toward the west. "I wonder how the others are getting on."

Hadeya shrugged. "Last time I heard from Uncle Duo, they were about to start fighting an orc army at some place called Helm's Deep." He sighed. "It sounds like fun. I wish I was there."

In fact, back at Helm's Deep, the defenders were looking out at the massed orc army, barely visible in darkness and rain. The recently conscripted recruits wore looks of open dismay, but the seasoned fighters watched the opposing army with appraising eyes.

"This is going to be a tough fight," Wu-Fei acknowledged.

"But it should be fun," Duo said brightly. "For once, you and Heero won't be able to kill everything before the rest of us get a chance to join in."

"What do you mean? We let you kill a bunch of enemies in that skirmish on the way here!"

"That's just because you were being all acrobatic and stuff."

"Well, there's no artistry in just hacking stuff to bits."

"What's wrong with hacking stuff to bits?" Heero grunted. "It's nice and dead afterward."

"And you can always get a pretty blood spatter with just a little effort," Roku put in.

"You've corrupted my child!" Quatre exclaimed. "Blood spatter is not artistic."

"It can be," Heero muttered.

"And they say you have no aesthetic sense," Duo chuckled.

Heero lifted his chin. "I am very artistic! I've taken art classes at five different private schools."

"Well, who knew?"

"Perhaps we should focus on the matter at hand," Trowa remarked. "I think it's about to start."

A big orc standing on a rock overlooking his forces let out a long roar and the massed orcs charged forward. The defending men and elves immediately loosed a flight of arrows, felling dozens of orcs with the first volley. It barely made a dent in their numbers, and the fallen quickly disappeared under the feet of their comrades.

"That was unimpressive," Heero grunted.

Another volley took down more orcs and then the first wave was at the base of the wall, tipping up ladders.

"Here we go!" Gimli exclaimed gleefully. "Now we'll get some proper action!" An orc arrived at the top of a ladder directly in front of him and he cleaved the top of its skull open with his axe. "That's one!"

"Quit dawdling, Gimli!" Heero snapped. "Legolas over there is on his fifth or some such nonsense." He used a knife to gut one orc while lopping off the head of another with his sword.

"What?" Gimli scowled and began swinging his axe with grim efficiency, dispatching orcs as soon as they reached the top of the wall.

It was a savage battle, and it became clear quickly that much of the orcs' attack was intended to keep the defenders too busy to stop them from pushing their siege towers up against the fortress walls.

"I think," Treize shouted at Aragorn, "that there are as many orcs on top of this wall as us."

"That is a distinct possibility," Aragorn replied breathlessly. He swiftly dispatched two orcs and peeked over the edge of the wall. "They're up to something, I fear."

Treize finished his opponent and looked over the edge, too. "It's that damn drainage culvert!" he snapped. "I knew having a hole in the wall would be tempting. Look there!"

A single orc carrying a sparking torch raced through the orc forces, sprinting toward the drain.

"Legolas!" Aragorn shouted. He pointed at the running orc. "Kill him! Bring him down!"

Legolas began pumping arrows into the orc to no avail.

"We need to get off the wall!" Treize cried. "Duo! Clear this part of the wall! Now!"

Duo jammed his sword through an orc's midsection and closed his eyes. All along the wall above the drain, men and elves suddenly began fleeing along the top of the wall in both directions, clearing that section. Legolas tried one more arrow, but the running orc managed to keep his feet. He stumbled the remaining distance and leaped into the culvert. A massive explosion shook the ground and shattered the wall, sending huge chunks flying into the air and scattering bodies in all directions. But fortunately, because of Duo's mental command, most of the bodies were orcs.

And then the lake that had formed because of the plugged up culvert flooded out through the gap, washing orcs away.

"Follow me!" Aragorn cried out loudly, and he led the charge from the wall and into the gap, blocking it before the orcs could regroup and rush through.

"The lake was a good idea, Treize," Quatre grumbled irritably, "but it sure is muddy now."

"You usually like wrestling in the mud, Quatre," Trowa teased.

"Do you mind?" Quatre replied archly. "No one needs to hear about what we like to do in private."

"Quatre likes mud wrestling?" Duo piped up. "I didn't know his kinky streak was that wide!"

"I don't have a kinky streak!"

"Oh? But what about that time in your lab when we…"

"Shut up!"

"Wait a minute!" Trowa interrupted. "I want to hear about this!" He glared at Duo. "Just what were you and Quatre doing in his lab?"

"Nothing!" Quatre shouted. "Pay attention to the fight! We're supposed to be battling orcs, remember?"

"I can do both," Trowa said. He promptly proved his point by severing the arm from his current opponent. "So, Duo, please elaborate."

"Well, you remember back when I was a girl?"

"Duo!" Quatre growled warningly. "Don't say anything you may come to regret!"

"He asked!"

"You don't have to answer. Why don't you go kill that orc over there before Haldir gets knifed in the back?"

"Oh, shoot!" Duo dashed up to where Haldir, who had just dispatched an orc on a part of the wall that was still standing, was about to get skewered by an orc coming up behind him. "Haldir, break left!" Duo's command, issued out loud and mentally, made Haldir practically fling himself to the side. The orc missed and an instant later, Duo slit him up the middle. Then he held out a hand to Haldir. "Sorry to invade your head like that, man, but I don't want to have to explain to your queen how we let you get killed by a bunch of scummy orcs."

Haldir blinked. "My thanks," he managed weakly.

Duo grinned. "Back to work!" He whirled around to hack at an orc that was coming over the top of the wall.

Back in the gap, standing knee deep in a muddy pool that was as much blood and gore as it was water, Heero and Wu-Fei fought side-by-side.

"You know," Heero said casually, "if this keeps up for a couple more hours, my arm may get tired."

"I know what you mean," Wu-Fei said. "It's a little monotonous, too, just standing here cutting them down as they swarm in."

"Yeah." Heero hacked up two orcs in quick succession. "It is kind of boring. Why don't we make this more of an exercise? I'll run to the right-hand side of the break and you run to the left. Then we both run back here. Whoever gets back first while killing more than ten orcs wins."

Wu-Fei brightened. "That sounds like fun! Ready? Go!"

The pair split up, sprinting for their respective goals while engaging orcs along the way.

Treize stepped into the gap they left with a shake of his head. "Teenagers! Everything always has to be a game with them."

Aragorn grinned. "I remember being young like that. Sometimes I miss the irrepressible joy of youth."

"Yeah, you are a grizzled old man, as I recall," Treize chuckled.

"Eighty-seven is not old!" Aragorn replied indignantly. "I am in the prime of life!"

"What?" Legolas laughed as he raced by with a knife in each hand, slitting orc throats. "You're a baby! I should dandle you on my knee."

"I suspect it's not his knee he wants to dandle him on," Trowa chuckled.

"Behave yourself," Quatre said.

"Mama!"

"Roku, where have you been?"

"Up on the fortress wall. They've got a battering ram. I came to get Papa Wu-Fei to set it on fire."

"You could do that."

"I know, but since everyone already knows Papa Wu-Fei is a dragon, I thought it would be better if they didn't know I can be one, too."

"Good idea. He's over there playing with Heero."

"Ok." Roku galloped over to where Wu-Fei and Heero had just gotten back to the center of the muddy pond.

"Twelve!" Wu-Fei gasped out a little breathlessly.

"Me, too!" Heero replied with a harsh grin. "It's a tie. We'll have to do it again."

"Papa Wu-Fei! We need you to come set fire to their battering ram!"

"Oh, yeah?" Wu-Fei grinned. "Sorry, Heero! I get to go do something fun."

"No fair!" Irritated, Heero began swinging his sword in wide arcs, hacking through the midsections of two and three orcs at a time.

When Roku and Wu-Fei got back to the main gate, Théoden and his men were bracing it against the pounding force of the ram.

"We can't hold this much longer!" Théoden shouted.

"I'll buy you some time," Wu-Fei said. He dashed up onto the battlements, leaned over, and blasted the enemy with his hottest fire. Instantly, their shields, which they were holding above them like a turtle's shell, burst into flames. Shouting in surprise, the orcs dropped their shields and were immediately peppered with arrows. Dozens fell off the ramp, including some holding the ram. But more quickly ran up to replace them, despite the arrows and repeated blasts of fire from Wu-Fei.

Wu-Fei finally bent over with his hands on his knees, breathing hard. "I can't keep that up any longer," he wheezed. "It takes a lot of air. Maybe we should have Quatre blast it."

Roku shook his head. "Can't. We'd blow the ramp, too, and we might need that later." He tipped his head and listened. "They're retreating from the curtain wall."

"That's gonna piss Heero off."

"He's fighting the rearguard."

"Siege engine!" Someone nearby cried. The huge wooden towers were as tall as the fortress walls, with heavy iron drop-gates to anchor them in place.

"Now this I can blast!" Roku said cheerfully. He stood up on his hind paws and tossed a giant fireball at the tower. It exploded with percussive force, splintering the tower and sending orcs raining down onto their companions below. "Cool!"

But a little farther down, another tower managed to drop its gate onto the wall, biting into the stone battlement. Orcs began pouring from the tower. Roku charged down the wall and barreled into their midst, disemboweling and hamstringing orcs to slow them down for other defenders to finish off.

Aragorn arrived with Legolas and Gimli on his heels. "We've had to pull back," he reported to Théoden.

Théoden nodded, clutching a wound in his shoulder. "We'll have to pull back to the keep. We've managed to reinforce the gate for the moment, but it won't hold for long."

"Very well."

"Retreat! To the keep!"

Soldiers streamed from the battlements and hurried up the ramps into the keep. Heero, Wu-Fei and Aragorn were among the last in before the doors were closed and barricaded.

"I think we'd be better off taking them on in the open," Heero said. "We're boxed in here. They'll just keep battering at the doors until they get in and then we'll be overrun."

"We had our backs against the wall the moment we decided to come here," Treize said.

"That's true."

"Wasn't Gandalf supposed to be bringing us some help?" Quatre muttered. He was casually making light balls and tossing them around to supplement the guttering torches.

"Well, it's after midnight," said Trowa. "He said he'd be here by dawn today. Can you tell where he is, Duo?"

Duo listened for a moment but finally shook his head. "Too many orcs. It's noisy as shit out there. I can barely hear us."

"We'll just have to hold out then," Treize said.

"I was definitely having more fun outside," Heero grumbled.

"Me, too," echoed Wu-Fei.

"Geez!" Treize rolled his eyes. "If you guys are that bored, why don't you go somewhere and snog for awhile?"

Duo brightened. "There's time for snogging? Count me in!"

"Could we focus on the battle, please?" Quatre snapped. "You can snog when there's no more danger of anyone getting his head lopped off."

"Ok, but I get dibs on Haldir," Duo said. "After all, I saved his life. I think that puts me first in line for banging his ass."

"Did Haldir say he wanted his ass banged?"

"Well, no, but it's a great way to release tension. I'm sure he'd appreciate it."

Quatre put a hand over his face. "Have you considered that he might rather relax with a nice glass of wine?"

"He can have a glass after I finish banging the stiffness out of him."

"That's a terrible pun," Trowa remarked casually.

"Thanks!"

Legolas had been listening to this conversation with a shocked expression that was growing increasingly flushed. Now he interrupted in a scandalized tone. "Haldir is one of the finest elves in the kingdom! The behavior you are suggesting is completely beneath a gentleman of his stature!"

"That hasn't stopped him from thinking about banging your ass," Duo commented.

"What?"

Duo eyed him. "Come to think of it, that might be fun. I'm sure I could manage both of you."

Legolas put his hands over his butt and backed up. "I have no interest in engaging in such a… notorious act!"

"At least not with me," Duo smirked.

Legolas blinked several times. "Excuse me! I think I'll go help reinforce the doors!" He fled in a panic.

"Legolas is usually much more self-possessed than that," Trowa noted.

"He did seem a little flustered," Treize agreed.

"But we still haven't resolved the issue of whether or not we have time for snogging," Duo pointed out.

"True."

"There will be no snogging!" Quatre ordered sternly. "I insist that everyone focus on fighting until after we have repelled the orcs."

"Quatre is so strict," Duo muttered. "Can't you do anything about that, Trowa?"

"Probably not, but I've thought of an interesting new position I can suspend him in for sex, so I'll punish him later."

"What?" Quatre paled. He took several steps back. "I'm sure we won't have time for that anytime soon."

"A suspended position?" Treize asked curiously. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Is it something that a heavier person could endure comfortably?"

"Oh, definitely."

"Hmm…"

"Help!" Quatre squeaked. He raced for the door and started ripping down the barricade.

"What are you doing?" one of the Rohan soldiers shrieked in surprise.

"I'm going out where it's safer!" Quatre exclaimed. "Five thousand orcs cannot possibly be as dangerous as Trowa with ten feet of rope!"


	5. Fangorn Marches

Chapter 5: **Fangorn Marches**

"Man, these trees are thick!" Zechs exclaimed. "You girls ok up there?" He was leading their horse through the dense forest with a hand resting gently on its neck. Perched on the horse's back, Alexa and Jett kept ducking to avoid the low-hanging branches.

"We're ok, Mommy," Alexa said.

The horse plodded along, its hooves occasionally clumping against roots and exposed stones, but it was shod, so the terrain wasn't too rough for it.

"If it gets any thicker, you may have to get down," Zechs said. "How are we doing, Jett?"

"It's not much further." She pointed ahead. "Merry and Pippin are moving now, but if we keep going this way, we should run into them. They're going really fast, but they're coming toward us, mostly."

"Moving fast, huh?" Zechs glanced up at her. "They couldn't have gotten horses in here. I wonder how they're traveling."

"Maybe they're on a river," Alexa suggested.

"Maybe."

The three of them continued on their way. After awhile, they could hear the sound of a deep voice rumbling through the forest, along with a heavy, intermittent thumping that had the rhythm of slow footsteps.

"What the hell?" Zechs murmured.

"We should stop," Jett said. "They're going to go right by us."

"Ok." Zechs stopped the horse by putting his hand on its nose. They waited for a few minutes and then a sight no one had expected came into view.

A tree walked toward them with Merry and Pippin reclining in its branches.

"Now that's something you don't see every day," Zechs remarked.

"Pippin!" Jett shouted. All around them, tree branches shuddered and leaves fluttered to the ground. Birds shot up into the sky screeching and small animals bounded away in panic.

Pippin nearly fell out of the walking tree.

"I don't believe it!" Merry exclaimed. He stood up on the branch where he had been sitting and waved furiously. "Zechs! Jett! Alexa! How did you get here?"

Pippin managed to right himself and waved, too.

The tree stopped walking and big golden eyes blinked at them curiously. "What have we here?" it rumbled in a deep voice.

"These are friends of ours, Treebeard!" Merry said. "These are some of the people we told you about that we were traveling with before the orcs kidnapped us."

"It's good to see you well," Zechs said.

"Where are the others?" Pippin asked.

"At a place called Helm's Deep fighting a battle," Zechs replied.

"A battle?" Merry and Pippin exchanged worried looks. "Are Frodo and Sam there?"

"No. They separated from us right after the fight when you were taken. They've gone on to Mordor with Hadeya. The rest of us came after you. We tracked you all the way to the forest but were then told that you were safe. So we went to Rohan to deal with some problems they were having, which led to the battle. Anyway, I didn't think the girls should be in a siege, so we came to look for you."

"It's amazing that you could find us in this vast forest," Merry said.

Zechs shrugged. "Jett can find anyone. She has a talent. Anyway, where are you headed?"

Merry made a face. "Treebeard is taking us to the southern pass so we can go back to the Shire. He thinks the troubles will just pass us by." He scowled, obviously not believing any of that.

"We'll go with you," Zechs said. "If Treebeard doesn't mind." He bowed to the walking tree.

"I am pleased to meet friends of these young hobbits," Treebeard rumbled. "Especially since I see you are men and not orcs."

"Can we ride in the tree, too, Mommy?" Alexa asked. Her eyes were sparkling. "It looks like fun!"

"Yes, can we?" Jett squealed. The trees shuddered again.

"Only if you keep your voice down," Zechs chuckled. "You'll deafen Treebeard."

"Sorry!"

"I am not a tree!" Treebeard said a little indignantly. "I am an Ent. A shepherd of the forest and one of the oldest creatures in Middle Earth."

"Your pardon, Treebeard," Zechs said with another polite bow. "You are the first such creature we've met, so your resemblance to a tree should make our mistake understandable."

"Well, it is true that when we rest, birds will nest on us and animals make burrows under us," Treebeard acknowledged. He held out a vast, branch-like hand. "Allow me." The girls scrambled directly from the horse's back onto his hand and Treebeard lifted them up while they clung, giggling, to his fingers. "Now hold on tight, little ones." After the girls were settled next to Merry and Pippin, Treebeard resumed walking. Zechs swung up onto the horse's back and trotted along behind them. "I am still not convinced," Treebeard said, "that taking the southern pass is the safest way. It will take you past Isengard. Saruman used to be a good friend to us in the forest, but lately his mind has grown dark."

"I'm sure it's not the safest way," Zechs said, "but there aren't a lot of safe roads in Middle Earth right now. Pretty much everyone is involved in the war that's going on. On the other hand, since Saruman just sent a huge army to Helm's Deep, it might not be too bad."

"Saruman sent an army to Helm's Deep?" Pippin asked in alarm. "But isn't that where you said the others are?"

"Yes. That's the army they're fighting."

"We need to go help them!" Pippin exclaimed. "I'm not going to let my friends fight and maybe die and not be there to help them!"

"We'll sort that out later, Pippin," Zechs said. "For now, let's just get out of this forest."

They continued on while Treebeard regaled them with a long rambling speech that he claimed was poetry, but late in the afternoon, Zechs sat up straighter and looked ahead past Treebeard's lumbering form.

At the same time, Jett frowned and wrinkled her nose. "I smell smoke."

"So do I," Zechs said. "Look. The forest is ending up ahead."

Moments later, the group abruptly exited the shadow of the forest, because on the slope ahead of them all the trees had been cut down. The clear cut appeared to have been rather hasty, because ragged stumps and dropped branches dotted the hillside, giving a clear view all the way down to the plains below, where a tall white tower stood at the base of the hill in the middle of a vast circular space surrounded by a stone wall. The empty space around the tower was crisscrossed with beaten earth roads connecting smoking pits, some of which had lifts rigged beside them. Others had steep ramps leading down into the red-tinged darkness.

Treebeard stopped in his tracks and let out a howl of rage. "A wizard should know better!" he cried. "Some of these trees have stood for centuries! This is an unspeakable crime! There will be vengeance! We Ents will punish him for this violation of our trust!" He let out a long, ululating cry that echoed across the forest. Then he stood rigidly and waited.

"What's going on?" Pippin whispered. "Why are we just standing here?"

Treebeard did not respond. They waited as the sun slowly sank toward the horizon and twilight fell. The girls and the hobbits climbed down out of Treebeard so they could eat while they waited. Then a rustling in the trees made them all watch the forest edge nervously.

"What is that?" Pippin whispered.

"I don't know," Merry whispered back.

Then, in ones, twos and threes, Ents began emerging from the forest edge. They marched down to stand around Treebeard, forming a new forest where the old one had once stood. Soon, dozens of Ents dotted the hillside, all glaring down at the tower of Isengard threateningly. Though none of them moved or spoke, the weight of their anger was palpable.

Zechs nodded approvingly. "There aren't many of them," he said, "but I think they'll do some significant damage."

"What's that?" Alexa pointed off to the south east. "It looks like the ground is moving."

"It is the forest," Treebeard announced suddenly. "They have business of their own with the orcs of Isengard. We shall deal with the wizard." He began to walk down the slope.

"Wait!" Merry and Pippin shouted. They raced after Treebeard and scrambled up into his branches.

Zechs boosted Alexa and Jett into the branches of a nearby Ent who looked like an ancient elm tree before pulling himself up into the branches of a towering ash tree Ent. The horse trotted along behind them curiously. As they headed down the slope, a number of Ents split off toward the west. As the main group of Ents neared the bottom of the hill, the destination of the splinter group became visible. A large dam had stopped up a river that should have been spilling over the edge of a cliff into a steep waterfall directly behind Isengard.

When the advancing Ents reached the towering stone wall, they did not climb over it. They grasped the smoothly joined stones with their twig-like fingers and pulled the wall apart. It was like watching a time-lapse recording of tree roots destroying a foundation. Within minutes, great sections of the wall were reduced to rubble and the Ents marched through.

"That's cool!" Alexa said.

"Yeah!" Jett agreed.

As the Ents marched across the plain, they destroyed any towers or structures they passed. A few hundred orcs rushed up from the caverns below, but the resistance they offered was easily overwhelmed by the furious Ents. Zechs hopped down from his perch so he could use his sword, hacking through any orcs he encountered with grim efficiency, including a trio who were shooting flaming arrows at the Ents.

"Look!" Pippin cried, pointing up at the dam.

Appearing small against the massive structure of the dam, several Ents were busily ripping out stones and support bracing. Already, cracks in the dam were spilling water. Then the whole structure gave way, cracking and splintering as the weight of the water finished what the Ents had begun.

"Oops!" Zechs said. He clambered up into the nearest Ent as water rushed down the mountainside in a massive flood, gushing onto the plain and flooding into the caverns. Steam boiled up from below as hidden fires were extinguished by the water. As the water thundered across the plain, engulfing the tower at the center, all other remaining structures were swept away, along with the orcs. There was so much water that even after all the caverns were filled, water stood waist deep over most of the plain.

Treebeard looked around with approval. "This is better. Trees will grow back and Isengard will once again be a place of beauty."

Zechs hooked a thumb at the tower. "Isn't there still a wizard in there?"

"Yes." Treebeard examined the tower grimly. He advanced on the sheer white walls and tried to work his fingers into the joins. But the building was so tightly fitted that he could not create a crack, no matter how hard he tried. None of the other Ents was any more successful.

"What do you think, Jett?" Zechs asked. "Can you break it?"

Jett eyed the tower. She tugged on a branch of the Ent she was sitting in. "Can I touch it for a second, please?"

The Ent held her closer and she rapped her knuckles against the wall, listening to the resonance. "I think I can crack it," she said, "but it might not come down."

"Give it a shot."

"Ok. Better cover your ears, though."

Pippin, Merry and Alexa immediately clapped their hands tight over their ears.

"If you can block sound," Zechs said to the Ent holding Jett, "I'd advise it. This might hurt." He covered his ears. "Go ahead, Jett."

Jett drew a deep breath and uttered a piercing shriek. The sound echoed all across the plain, causing additional sections of the surrounding wall to collapse and more stones to tumble down from the dam. The mighty tower of Isengard creaked, groaned and shuddered, and a huge crack splintered up the side.

"Stop!" a voice shrieked from a balcony far above them. A lightning bolt shot down from the sky, striking close to the Ent holding Jett.

Jett's shriek cut off.

"Saruman!" Treebeard shouted. "You no longer have the right to live in this place. Get out before we tear this tower to the ground!"

"You have no power over me!" Saruman cried. "Back away!" More lightning bolts fell and everyone quickly retreated to a safe distance.

"He cannot leave the tower," Treebeard said. "We shall just have to wait for someone who can deal with him."

"It's pretty late," Pippin said. "We should look around. Maybe we'll find something to eat."

"That sounds like a good idea," Alexa agreed.

"There is an old gatehouse," Treebeard said. "Maybe there are stores there."

They slogged their way across the plain to a section of the wall that was relatively unscathed and therefore had a good bit of standing water in front of it. But here, the thick wall had several rooms built into it. Merry, Pippin and the girls scrambled down and half-swam, half-slogged their way in.

"Huzzah!" Pippin cried. "Smoked ham!" He picked the floating meat out of the muddy water.

"Here's a roast chicken!" Merry called out from another part of the room. "And apples!"

"No!" Pippin suddenly exclaimed. "It can't be!" He jumped up onto a counter so he could reach a high shelf. "Longbottom leaf! We can smoke!"

"Hurray!" Merry shouted. He began searching for his pipe.

"You shouldn't smoke," Alexa said archly.

"But this tobacco is from the Shire!" Pippin said. "It's our duty as hobbits to smoke it."

"That's right!" Merry agreed.

"Fine. Then we get the food." Alexa began diligently collecting up all the food that was floating around the room and putting it on a dry shelf.

Zechs stuck his head in. "I assume you're finding useful stuff."

"_We_ are," Alexa replied. "_They're_ smoking."

Zechs laughed. "I wouldn't have expected that from hobbits. I would have thought the food would interest you more."

"We haven't smoked for weeks!" Pippin pointed out. He began opening drawers. "There have to be dry matches around here somewhere."

"Found them!" Merry said. He struck a match and immediately held the flame to his filled pipe. He puffed until a curl of white smoke rose from the bowl. Then he handed the still burning match to Pippin. Pippin followed suit and soon the two hobbits were wreathed in smoke, puffing happily and grinning at each other like idiots.

"If there's no food left later, don't blame us," Alexa said. She calmly hacked the roast chicken in half with a cleaver that was stuck in a cutting board on the counter. She handed half to Jett and took the other half. "Did you want some, Mommy?"

"No, thanks. I'll have a few slices of this ham and an apple. But if you saw a keg of wine or ale, point it out."

"Over there."

"You're an excellent child."

"Thanks!"

Pippin immediately perked up. "Is it ale?"

Alexa rolled her eyes. "Yes. There are mugs on the shelf up there."

"I'll get them!" Pippin scrambled up to the indicated shelf, his pipe clamped between his teeth, and got down three mugs. "I assume you girls won't be having any?"

"No."

Pippin handed the mugs over to Zechs and watched eagerly as he filled them with foaming brown ale. Pippin took two and handed one to Merry before taking a stiff pull on his mug. His face broke into a wide grin. "Oh, that's tasty!

"Ah!" Merry let out a long, contented sigh.

Zechs knocked back his mug with almost Duo-like zeal. "I have to agree, that hits the spot. A nice fight always whets my appetite for a little liquor."

"And it was well-earned, I'd say!" Pippin declared. He walked back across the counter to refill his mug. "While Merry and I may not be as deft with swords as the rest of you, no one can beat our accuracy when it comes to cracking skulls with a well-thrown stone."

"I know," Zechs remarked. "You nearly cracked mine twice."

"I called out."

"Yes, as the stone was whizzing past my shoulder. Why do you think I started fighting about four Ents away?"

"There were a lot of orcs."

"Not that many."

Pippin sheepishly quaffed his beer.

After that, the five of them settled down to the serious business of eating, drinking and smoking as full night fell. Zechs lit some torches that had remained dry in their brackets mounted on the wall. But when Jett began to gape huge yawns, he looked around the flooded gatehouse thoughtfully.

"If we clear off some of those upper shelves, the four of you should be able to sleep dry tonight," Zechs said. "I can stretch out on the counter here."

"We could sleep in Treebeard," Merry said.

"True, but you'll be in the open. It might get cold. On those shelves, the heat from the torches should keep you warm."

So the shelves were cleared and the four small people squeezed onto them.

"This is actually not bad," Merry said. He shifted around a little until he was curled up comfortably on his side.

"It's smoky," Alexa said.

"It's the torches," said Pippin.

"I don't think so."

"It'll clear out."

"Yeah, now that you've stopped polluting the air."

"Smoke is good for you," Pippin declared. "It improves digestion."

"That's a crock."

"No lecturing, Alexa," Zechs murmured. "Go to sleep."

"Yes, Mommy."

In the morning, most of the water had drained away, leaving several knee-deep muddy pools, with the largest surrounding the base of the tower. A ring of Ents stood guard around it, while others were busily pulling down the rest of the wall.

Treebeard greeted them when they emerged from the gatehouse. "Good morning, my friends! I trust you slept well?"

"We did, thank you," Zechs said.

"Did you find sufficient food and drink?"

"Indeed we did. Enough to tide us over for a while, I think."

"That is good." Treebeard turned to stare at the tower. "There is no telling when help will arrive, though I hope it will be soon. Until then, we must hold the wizard at bay in his den."

"Why are you tearing down the wall?" Alexa asked.

"We will use the rubble to fill the pits Saruman made," Treebeard said gravely. "Without the wall, the forest will reclaim this land and make it a place of beauty again."

"That's a good idea," Zechs said. Then he went still. "One moment," he murmured and his gaze focused inward. After a moment, his face paled.

"What is it, Mommy? Is it Uncle Duo?"

"Yes, and he says I should hide."

"Why? Are the orcs coming back?"

"No." Zechs shuddered. "He said Trowa has been talking with Treize about sexual positions involving rope and suspension. This is not good."

"Mommy," Alexa sad patiently. "What about the battle? I'm sure that's not all Uncle Duo told you."

"Well, no, but that was the important part!"

"Mommy!"

"Oh, fine! He mentioned something about them wrapping up the battle today, because Quatre doesn't want to be stuck indoors where Trowa can get at him, and Heero and Wu-Fei are bored."

Alexa heaved a long-suffering sigh. "Well, they should come here when they're finished so Gandalf can deal with Saruman."

"I'll tell him." Zechs closed his eyes.

"Wait a minute!" Pippin exclaimed. "What do you mean Gandalf? He… he died!"

"Yeah, but he came back. Didn't we tell you that?"

"No, that highly important piece of news was something you neglected to mention!" Merry cried.

"Oh. My bad."

Pippin grasped her by the shoulders. "So explain! How is it that Gandalf isn't dead?"

"Apparently, being a wizard and chosen by the gods, or some such, he wasn't allowed to just die. So he returned as Gandalf the White. He said he's become Saruman." Alexa leaned forward and continued in a confidential tone. "I think that means he just got Saruman's job because Saruman screwed it up by falling under Sauron's power."

"What a relief!" Merry said.

"He's more pompous than he used to be," Jett announced uncharitably.

"Well, being dead, however briefly, can affect one's outlook," Zechs said.

"Daddy isn't pompous and he was dead."

"Well, true, but…"

"Wait!" Pippin interrupted. "What do you mean Treize was dead?"

"He died a few years ago but Roku brought him back because everyone missed him," Alexa answered. "That was before I was born."

Pippin and Merry paled. "Roku… brought him… back?" they stammered together.

"Yeah, he got him out of his storage space." Alexa scratched her head. "Of course, that means his storage space is more than inter-dimensional. It must have temporal-spatial aspects to it as well. But of course, that would explain why stuff doesn't age in there. Or suffocate."

"I think we should stop talking about this," Pippin said weakly. "I'm getting a headache."

Merry rubbed his forehead. "I think I already have one."

"Try not to think about," Zechs said. "That's what I do. Although the physics behind it is pretty fascinating. For example…"

"Aiee!" Merry and Pippin fled in panic, splashing through the puddles recklessly.

"That was mean, Mommy," Alexa chided. "What if they fall in a hole?"

"I will retrieve them," Treebeard said gravely. He looked down at Zechs curiously. "I, however, would be interested in hearing more. Is it a long explanation?"

"Extremely."

"Aha!" Treebeard exclaimed gleefully. "That is the best kind! Please proceed."

"All right…" Zechs launched into a highly technical discussion of theoretical physics, the space-time continuum, relativity and how all this might pertain to Roku's storage space, which of course required a long digression into who Roku was and how he came into existence. Treebeard listened in delighted fascination.

Alexa heaved a big sigh and took Jett's hand. "Let's go back to the gatehouse. I want a snack."

"Ok. Can I scream more cracks in the tower afterward?"

"Sure."

"Yay!"


	6. Rohan United

Chapter 6: **Rohan United**

The steady boom of the battering ram echoed all through the keep. Quatre stood in front of the doors with his hands raised, a look of concentration on his face.

"Man, that's annoying!" Heero exclaimed. "Can't you do anything about it, Quatre?"

"I am!" Quatre snapped. "They haven't broken in, have they?"

King Théoden stared in dismay at nothing, his shoulders slumping. "Why? It makes no sense! Such hate!"

"We mustn't give up!" Aragorn exclaimed. "To give up is to give in to the hate! We must continue to fight. I will continue to fight!" He thumped himself firmly on the chest. "Let us ride out and face this beast head on! We are the flower of men! Let us show these creatures what manner of blood flows in our veins!"

Théoden's shoulders straightened. "Yes! You are right, Aragorn! Let us ride out and show the world why the horse lords of Rohan are the pride of the world!"

"Finally!" Heero grumbled. "Some manly talk."

Wu-Fei nodded emphatically and whipped his katana through the air. "Let's finish this thing."

Of course, it took awhile to sort out the horses and armor and men, and by the time they were finished, Quatre was looking a little peeved. "Sheesh!" he muttered. "I was starting to think they were just going to leave me dangling."

But now that everyone was ready to go, Gimli rushed off to sound the Horn of Helm Hammerhand, a ridiculously monstrous construction so loud that the very stones shook when Gimli blew into it.

Duo and Heero exchanged a look.

"Jett's louder," Duo remarked.

"I've never heard her do a tone that deep, though."

"Small chest," Duo acknowledged. "Her lungs give her volume, but she needs a bigger chest cavity for the deeper resonances."

Heero scratched his cheek. "Could be. But she could get the longer sound waves by standing up straight and lifting her chin."

Duo nodded thoughtfully. "That might work."

"Do you really think it's a good idea to teach Jett how to make more noise?" Trowa asked casually.

"Perhaps not."

"Are you guys ready?" Treize interrupted. "They're about to open the doors."

"Oh, crap!" Duo exclaimed. "Where did I put my sword?"

"It's over here, Papa Duo."

"Ah, thanks, Roku." Duo scooped up the errant blade with a grin. "Ok! Let's kick some orc butt!"

"Roku and I will open the doors," Quatre said. "Wu-Fei, you should clear out a path and then the horses can ride out. Treize, do you mind staying here with Roku and making sure no orcs wander in while the rest of us are outside?"

"No problem."

"Very good." Quatre gestured toward the doors. "Roku, if you please."

Together, Quatre and Roku raised their arms and made a sweeping motion in opposite directions. Immediately, the barricade that had been erected in front of the doors was swept away and the doors flew open. Several startled orcs spilled into the room and were promptly dispatched by Heero and Wu-Fei. Then Wu-Fei sent a blast of fire through the doorway, causing the clustered orcs to scatter in all directions.

"For Rohan!" Théoden shouted and he kicked his horse forward. Aragorn rode beside him since the path was wide enough for two horses to ride abreast. And with the momentum gained by having the immediate path cleared, the charging horses were able to knock orcs out of their way as they surged out in a continuous column, the riders hacking to either side furiously. Confused by the charge, the orcs milled about, making themselves easy prey for the riders. But when the last of the riders cleared the doorway, one slightly more intelligent orc who'd managed not to get killed shouted and barged through the open and, he thought, unguarded doors.

He skewered himself on Treize's sword.

"That was easy," Treize murmured.

"Look out, Uncle Treize," Roku said.

"Oh, bother!" Treize sidestepped an orc charging toward him with a lowered pike and slit the creature's throat. "I guess I'm just going to have to put out some effort."

"It _is_ a battle," Roku noted. He leaped on an orc and bit off its face.

"Good point."

Outside, the riders were managing to keep their momentum, despite the large number of orcs jammed into the fortress. In fact, the orcs' numbers were working against them, because it left them little room to organize any kind of resistance. The horses just trampled over them and the riders cut down anyone left standing. By the time Théoden and Aragorn reached the outer gate, the orcs had started scrambling down the ramp in a messy retreat.

"We've got them on the run!" Théoden cried.

"There are still an awful lot of them," Legolas said.

"And it looks like someone among them is still in charge," Aragorn added. In the gray dawn light, a single Orc was shouting orders and forming his troops back into ranks.

"How are we going to get off the ramp without getting cut down?" Quatre asked. "We need to form a line for a cavalry charge."

"Leave it to me!" Haldir called from the battlements. He and his remaining elves had followed the riders down from the inner keep. "We still have a few arrows left." They lined up along the top of the wall and loosed a flight of arrows. The orcs hastily retreated as their front ranks were decimated and the riders used the distraction to gallop off the ramp and form lines facing the orcs.

"We're pretty outnumbered," Wu-Fei noted.

"Yup," Heero agreed cheerfully. "You ready?"

"Always." Wu-Fei grinned, showing all his teeth. The nearest orcs facing him blinked in alarm. He pointed at a particularly large orc wearing an enormous helmet with a grill dripping with large quantities of slimy drool. "Dibs!"

"Aw, man! I wanted that one!"

"Speak up, next time."

"Shoot. I guess I'll start with those three. They're not too small."

"Wait a second!" Duo suddenly interrupted. "What the hell is that?"

"What?"

"That giant forest where there used to be an open plain!"

"Well, that's pretty odd," Trowa remarked.

"Odd?" Duo choked out. "Forests do not grow overnight! And you don't even want to know the kind of vibes I'm getting off those trees. It is seriously creepy!"

"Don't get distracted, Duo," Quatre said. "We've got a battle to finish."

"How am I supposed to not get distracted? The damn trees are whispering!"

"Focus, Duo."

Duo grumbled something under his breath that sounded an awful lot like "I've got your focus right here..."

With a great roar, the orcs charged forward and the battle resumed. The orcs tried to use their numbers to simply swarm over the horses and knock the riders off, with some success. Things were starting to look a little grim when Quatre suddenly smacked his forehead.

"Again with the posing!"

"Who's posing?" Trowa asked breathlessly.

"Gandalf!" Quatre pointed up the slope to a pass on the right side of the keep, where light from the rising sun was streaming through, forming a blinding halo around a single rider on the back of a large horse.

"Good timing," Trowa said.

"Nice entrance," Duo added. "And he's got company."

Even as he said it, hundreds of riders flowed onto the slope next to Gandalf.

"It's Eomer!" Aragorn cried. "Gandalf found him!"

Suddenly aware of the new threat on their flank, the orcs turned to form another front, hastily forming a line of pikes to take the charge.

"There's no way they can stop Eomer with the momentum of the slope behind him!" Théoden crowed. "We've won!"

Someone less familiar with the horsemen of Rohan might have thought his declaration premature. But it did not take long for Eomer to prove him right. The king's nephew led his forces down the slope in a thundering charge that crashed through the line of orcs as if the pikes weren't even there. The orcs broke and ran almost immediately, racing for the towering trees that blocked off the end of the canyon.

"Yeech!" Duo exclaimed. "They'd be better off staying here to get slaughtered! Going in that forest is a huge mistake. Eek!" He jumped in his saddle. "Did you hear that?"

"We all heard it!"

The riders had started to pursue the orcs into the forest, but now they pulled up, staring at the trees in alarm. A deep guttural roar echoed out of the woods and the trees began to thrash, despite there being absolutely no wind at all. Then horrified shrieks filled the air. The riders closest to the trees turned their horses and galloped back toward the fortress.

"Victory is ours!" Théoden declared.

A big grin on his face, Eomer rode up to the king and reached out to clasp his forearm. "Your majesty!" he exclaimed. "Nothing pleases me more than to see you recovered from your long illness!"

"Nephew!" Théoden replied delightedly. "Your return is well-timed and much appreciated. Please forgive me for allowing you to be driven into exile."

"I never blamed you, sire," Eomer replied graciously. "Those dark days are behind us, now. We have driven most of the wild men out of Rohan and now that Saruman is defeated, we can reclaim our rightful place in the world."

"But sadly," Gandalf interrupted their happy reunion, "we cannot sit back and enjoy this moment of peace. There is still the greater battle to be fought."

"And we do not know for certain that Saruman is defeated," Aragorn added.

"Yes we do," Duo said. "Didn't I tell you that Zechs said they've wiped out Isengard and bottled Saruman up in his tower?"

Everyone stared at him.

"No," Quatre said pointedly. "You failed to mention that."

"Oh. Well, anyway, that's what he told me right before we rode out. He also said we should stop by when we get the chance so Gandalf can deal with Saruman."

Treize sauntered up, covered in orc gore and looking very pleased with himself. "Are you finished out here? The folks in the caverns want to know if they can come out now."

"Are you done mopping up in the fortress?" Quatre asked.

"Pretty much. Roku is sniffing out the live ones and inviting them to join the dead. I think Haldir and the other elves are helping."

"That is good," Théoden said. "We should collect the bodies. The orcs can be piled up for burning and a mound raised over the honorable dead. This has been a hard battle. While I agree that we should travel to Isengard as soon as possible, today must be a day of recovery."

Gandalf nodded in agreement. "It shall be as you say Théoden King, but tomorrow we should go to Isengard."

So the women, children and elderly were let out of the caverns and set to work digging pits for the dead. Since no one was interested in cutting firewood from the forest lurking beyond, the siege engines were smashed up and drenched in oil brought by the orcs for flaming projectiles to set fire to the orc bodies. Timbers from the siege engines were also used to create a framework for the burial mounds, which were then covered with chunks of sod to finish them. It was a lot of work, but by sunset, the fortress was cleared of bodies, the dead were honorably interred, and the last of the orc bodies were smoldering under a smoke-filled sky. The stars were just starting to come out as everyone slowly filed back into the keep, where the smells of cooking set mouths to watering.

"Well, that was a pretty good fight," Wu-Fei said. "I was actually starting to get a little tired toward the end."

Heero flexed his shoulder. "Yeah, my sword arm was starting to get a little achy. Definitely a decent fight."

"I may have to use a sword in the next battle," Roku said. "Orcs taste really bad. I'd rather chew on a ghost. I wouldn't mind a bath right about now."

"There is water in the cavern," Eowyn said. "I could heat some up for you, if you wish."

"That would be very nice," Roku purred. "Would you like to help me bathe? It feels good when someone scrubs my back."

Eowyn blinked. "You are going to bathe like that? Wouldn't it be easier as a… a person?"

Roku padded up to her and rubbed against her hip. "But then my fur doesn't get properly clean. Please?" He bumped her hand with his nose.

Instinctively, Eowyn petted him on the head. "If you wish. Just let me get a few others to help carry the water."

"Ok."

Roku sat down on his haunches as she hurried away, grinning a giant tiger grin.

Quatre regarded him suspiciously. "You better behave yourself in the bath, Roku. Eowyn is a nice person."

"I'll behave," Roku said.

Duo blinked several times and clamped his lips together.

A meal of soup, bread and cheese was served while water was heated for baths. Most people just sat down on the floor to eat because it was pretty crowded with everyone inside. But the mood was cheerful after the long frightening night, despite the losses they'd suffered and the long day's labor.

After she had made sure everyone was eating, Eowyn came for Roku. "I have your bath ready, Roku." She had a smock tied on over her apron. "It's this way." A room just off the kitchen with a drain in the floor had a large boiler for heating water and a roomy beaten copper tub.

Roku padded up to the tub and put his nose in. "Nice!" He jumped into the tub with a splash.

"Oh!" Eowyn squeaked. Water sloshed over her shoes.

"Sorry!" Roku ducked down under the water and came up shaking his head, flinging more water. "Is there soap?"

"Uh, yes." Eowyn picked up the soap and approached the tub with trepidation.

Back in the main hall, Quatre was reclined flat on his back on the floor with his eyes closed.

Trowa eyed him. "Aren't you the least bit concerned about leaving Eowyn alone with Roku in a bathtub?"

"Not my problem."

"How bad can it be?" Wu-Fei said, also reclined on the floor with his eyes shut. "The girls aren't here."

"Have you forgotten what it was like bathing Roku as a kitten?"

Wu-Fei grimaced. "No."

"He's bigger now."

"I agree with Quatre. It's not my problem." Wu-Fei rolled on his side and pillowed his head on his arms. "She volunteered."

Sitting cross-legged on the floor with Duo's head resting on his knee, Heero held up a hand before Trowa could speak to him. "Don't look at me. I'm busy."

"Doing what?" Trowa stared. "Helping Duo sleep?"

"You're not the one who has to listen to those damn trees!" Duo complained. He rubbed his temples. "Trees should not be allowed to radiate angry thoughts! It's just wrong!"

Heero put a hand on Duo's forehead. "Stop listening. Go to sleep."

"I'm trying."

"If you're concerned, Trowa," Treize said, "perhaps you should go assist her."

A deep rumbling growl, followed by loud splashing and Eowyn's startled cry echoed from the bathing chamber.

Trowa blinked. "It sounds like she's doing all right."

Eomer stared from one to the other. "I thought you said your magical talking beast isn't dangerous!"

"He's not."

Another growl and more splashing were punctuated by squeals from Eowyn.

"You say that is not dangerous?" Eomer exclaimed. "She's being eaten alive!" He jumped to his feet and raced from the room, a look of frightened concern on his face.

Théoden also started to rise. "Perhaps I should assist him…"

"Please don't worry about it, your majesty," Treize said graciously. "Roku will not harm your niece or nephew in any way. He simply enjoys bathing and sometimes gets a little rambunctious."

"Rambunctious?" Théoden echoed uncertainly.

"For a tiger," Treize amended.

"But he must weigh almost twice what she does!"

"The worse he'll do is slobber on her. And since she's probably already quite wet at this point," Treize smiled sweetly, "it shouldn't cause her any lasting harm."

"But you said…"

"Trust me," Treize purred in his warmest, most trustworthy voice.

"Ah!" Eomer's strangled shout made Théoden jump. There was a loud thump and more splashing.

"Eek!" A door slammed and, seconds later, Eowyn dashed into the room sopping wet, her long blond hair matted and tangled. "Eomer is taking over the bath!" she announced, her eyes completely round. "If you'll excuse me…" She skittered away, her sodden clothes leaving a wet trail behind her.

"See?" Treize said. "Completely unharmed."

"Heeeelp!" Eomer wailed pitifully from behind the closed door of the bathing chamber.

Treize blinked once, but his calm comforting expression didn't change. "I'm sure he's fine."

Heero rolled his eyes. "Excuse me a second, Duo. I have to go rescue the big, burly horse lord from our son." He slid his knee out from under Duo's head and marched off. A door banged open. "Roku! Stop that! I'm sure he doesn't need that cleaned."

"But he smells like a horse."

"They all smell like horses."

"I'm almost finished."

"Save me!" Eomer moaned.

"Roku, quit licking that."

"Ok. I'm done anyway."

"My skin…" Eomer groaned.

"Just wash the spit off."

"It's too raw to touch!"

"Oh, be a man! Sheesh! Come on, Roku."

Heero and Roku returned to the main room. Roku sat down and started licking his fur dry. The people nearest him edged away nervously.

"Um…" Théoden cleared his throat. "Is Eomer all right?"

"He's just putting his clothes back on," Heero said. "He'll be along in a minute."

Théoden's eyebrows shut up. "His clothes?"

"Roku has a thing about helping other people get clean. It's no big deal."

Eomer dragged into the room, his face blotched and red and his clothes in disarray. He worked his way around the edge of the room, keeping as far away from Roku as possible. When he had an open path to the door, he broke into a run and sprinted outside. "I'm sleeping in the stable!"

"He'll just end up smelling like a horse again," Roku predicted.

"You are not to wash him again," Quatre said without opening his eyes. "Tiger spit isn't that much better than horse."

"Anyway, the bath is free," Roku said, "if someone else wants to wash."

"They'll have to put more water in the tub," Heero said. "You splashed most of it out."

"There's a drain."

"Good thing." Heero slipped his knee back under Duo's head. "You ok?"

"Yeah," Duo chuckled. "Eomer's blocking the trees out pretty well at the moment."

Heero looked around. "Well, since no one else looks like they want to bathe, why don't I wash your hair? Your braid's looking a little messy."

Duo's eyes turned dreamy. "And you'll brush it?"

"Yeah."

"Ok."

They retreated to the bathing chamber and closed the door.

"They didn't take a brush," Treize remarked.

"There's one in there," Roku said.

"Ah."

"I think," Théoden said loudly, "that everyone should rest. Tomorrow, some few of us will go to Isengard to deal with Saruman. The rest should return to Edoras. We have struggled against adversity and prevailed. I am proud of everyone for what we have accomplished here. Let us reflect upon that and when we are together again in the Golden Hall, we shall celebrate our victory."

"Well said, King Théoden," Gandalf said. "It is in the undaunted hearts of men that our ultimate victory lies. Your boundless courage is an inspiration to all."

"Enough with the speeches," Wu-Fei grumbled. "I'm trying to sleep."

"I agree," Quatre said with a frown. "_Sopire nemo non!_"

In an instant, everyone in the room except Roku fell into a deep sleep.

"That was rude, Mama."

"But now they're quiet."

"Good night, Mama."

"Good night, Roku."


	7. Isengard Vanquished

Chapter 7: **Isengard Vanquished**

Standing on the damaged battlements of Helm's Deep, a clear dawn revealed that the strange forest that had sprung up at the end of the canyon was gone. Everyone was relieved, most of all Duo.

"I really didn't want to go through those trees," Duo said. "I think they had murderous intentions."

"Judging by the number of earthen mounds I don't recall being there before," Eomer said, "I think they carried out those intentions on the orcs." Eomer seemed to have recovered from his impromptu tiger spit-bath, although he generally kept several people in between himself and Roku.

"Indeed," Gandalf agreed gravely. "I would say that the forest of Fangorn avenged ancient wounds yesterday."

"I still say trees shouldn't be able to walk," Duo grumbled.

"I think it unlikely that such an event will occur again," Gandalf said.

"Good!"

"It is well that the forest is gone," Théoden said. "I want our people to be able to return to Edoras, but I would not have wanted them to pass under those trees. Eowyn, will you lead the way? I would like to accompany Gandalf to Isengard."

"I cannot accompany you?" Eowyn replied unhappily.

"You should have an escort, sire," Eomer added worriedly.

"We will all be going as well," Treize said, indicating himself and the other Gundam pilots. "We want to make sure the rest of our family is all right. "

"We will be going also," Gimli said quickly. "I am still anxious to learn how our young hobbits fare."

Legolas and Aragorn nodded in agreement.

"I think an escort of eleven men, three of whom are wizards, should provide adequate protection for his majesty," Treize said.

Eomer wasn't happy about this. "Perhaps that would be so in normal times, but these are not normal times. If you would heed my counsel, I would advise that some one hundred of my riders and I accompany his majesty to ensure his safety. The remainder can escort my sister and the rest back to Edoras, or wherever their homes may lie."

"That is wise counsel, nephew," Théoden said. "It will be as you say. And once we have dealt with Saruman, we will return to Edoras with all due haste."

With the plans made, they were quickly put into action. Supplies were assembled and bundled into packs for the former refugees to carry back to their homes and for the party heading for Isengard to put into their saddlebags. When everything was ready, Théoden looked around with a wistful expression.

"Once again, Helm's deep has saved the people of Rohan. This battle will never be forgotten."

"It is not the first great battle that was fought and won here," Aragorn said. "But let us pray it is the last."

"It better be," Heero muttered. "It's hardly a safe place anymore with the wall breeched, the gate knocked in and the doors battered down."

"No kidding," Wu-Fei murmured in agreement.

Théoden apparently hadn't heard their exchange. He continued in the same grave tone. "Let us be on our way to Isengard and finish this."

A steady flood of people, on foot and on horseback, flowed down the ramp from the keep and set out across the plain. The refugees made their way nervously between the fresh mounds of earth where presumably the trees had interred the orcs. No one talked much, clearly considering it bad luck to speculate how trees had accomplished this task. Once they were past the end of the canyon, Théoden and his party split off and headed across country toward Isengard. The track they followed was scraped free of vegetation.

"I think this is the way the trees went," Trowa remarked.

"Did you have to say that?" Duo complained. "Now I won't be able to stop worrying about catching up with them."

Trowa shielded his eyes and looked ahead. "I don't see anything. I doubt we'll overtake them."

"They're trees! How fast can they possibly move?" Duo scowled. "I want to go back to Mars. It's a nice airless place with nothing but little, young trees."

"Don't worry, Duo," Wu-Fei said sympathetically. "I promise that if I see any trees trying to sneak up on you, I'll set them on fire."

"You're a good friend, Fei."

"How long will it take to reach Isengard, Gandalf?" Quatre asked.

"Two days, should we encounter no impediments," Gandalf said.

"We could fly ahead, Mama," Roku suggested. "Two days by horse is less than day on the wing."

"Very true, but we should stay with the others for now. Duo, did you tell Zechs we were coming?"

"Yeah. He says watch out for flooding."

"Flooding?"

"Uh-huh. Apparently, Saruman stopped up the river and the dam was broken during the battle. There was some pretty significant flooding as a result."

"Ah."

They didn't see any signs of flooding on the first day, but very early in the morning on the second day, the river near which they were camped suddenly rose from a trickle to a significant torrent.

"Well, that's something!" Eomer exclaimed. "This flow is much more normal for this river this time of year. I had been wondering where the water got to, and now we know."

They broke camp quickly to avoid getting caught in the overflow and continued on their way.

At midday, one of the riders pointed ahead. "Do you see that? It looks like smoke!"

"Smoke rising above Isengard?" Théoden exclaimed. "What could it mean?"

"It's not smoke," Roku said. "It's steam. It kind of stinks."

"Do you smell anything else?" Trowa asked curiously.

"Dead orc, wet tree bark, crushed granite, rusting iron, damp hobbit, fresh mud, soggy wool, tobacco smoke, wet little girls, rotting hemp and Uncle Zechs."

"Damp hobbit?" Legolas cried.

"Tobacco smoke?" Gimli exclaimed eagerly.

"Zechs?" Treize murmured with a smile.

"There's other stuff, too."

"I think that's sufficient," Quatre said.

"Let's hurry!" Théoden said. "I am anxious to see what has befallen the wizard's lair."

They pushed ahead and by mid-afternoon were slogging through knee deep water that squelched with mud underneath, approaching the partially tumbled-down wall surrounding the tower of Orthanc. As they drew near, Gimli suddenly cried out.

"Look there! I see two young hobbits perched on the stones ahead!"

"Did you only just now spot them?" Legolas smirked. "I observed them quite some time ago."

Since the two of them were riding the same horse, with Gimli in back, the dwarf used the advantage of his position to clout Legolas on the side of the head. "And you said nothing? Knowing how worried we've been, a kindly word would have been appreciated, wretched elf!" Gimli waved his hand. "What ho, little ones! Well met!"

The hobbits stood up and waved back.

"Ahoy, Gimi!" Merry cried. "Well met, indeed!"

Pippin just puffed contentedly on a long-stemmed pipe and smiled.

"What is this?" Gimli snorted. "We chased you half-way across Rohan, fearing for your lives, and here we find you smoking!"

"And drinking ale," Pippin added. He picked up a tankard from the stone beside him and quaffed it.

"I never!" Gimli spluttered.

"There's another barrel," Pippin said.

Gimli rubbed his chin. "Well, then…" he began, but Gandalf interrupted.

"I see there has been some hard work done here," he said. "Where is Treebeard? We should hold council, I think."

"He's over there," Merry pointed off randomly. "The Ents are still ripping down the walls and filling in the pits. They've found all manner of stores in the process. We've been collecting it up and assembling it in a room near here that's still mostly intact. We can have a pretty good dinner tonight."

"Nice!" Duo rubbed his hands together. "We can always count on hobbits to make sure they've got their next meal lined up." He slid off his horse. "We'll help. Where are Jett and Alexa?"

"Jett's with a couple of Ents warbling holes into the tower walls so the Ents can get their fingers in," Merry reported. "Alexa and Zechs went to get some supplies that the Ents found in a room they exposed a little while ago in the wall over there." Merry waved a hand rather vaguely off to his left. "But since Zechs said you would arrive today, we decided to wait for you."

"I see." Gandalf rubbed his chin. "Well, Théoden and I should meet with Treebeard. The rest of you I'm sure have catching up you want to do." He, Théoden, Eomer and a handful of riders picked their way through the fallen stones and went off more or less in the direction Merry had indicated.

Treize followed them. "I'm going to look for Zechs and Alexa."

"Stay close to the wall," Merry advised. "It's hard to spot the bottomless pits under all the water."

Everyone eventually made their way inside the wall to discover that the valley of Isengard had become a shallow lake. Here and there the shattered remains of timbers stuck up out of the water, but otherwise, nothing but the looming black tower and several of what looked like skeletal trees broke the expanse of murky water.

"I'm surprised the flood didn't knock those trees down," Gimli said.

"They're not trees," Pippin said. "They're Ents."

"Ents?"

"Tree-herders!" Merry said. "Shepherds of the forest! I thought they were a myth, but that's what Treebeard and his ilk are. They look like trees until they start moving about."

Duo held his head. "No more walking trees!"

"They talk, too!" Pippin put in.

Duo groaned.

"Here comes Jett." Pippin pointed. Marching toward them through the water at a stately pace was what looked like a birch tree, with Jett sitting on a branch swinging her legs.

"That's just not right," Duo muttered.

"Momma!" Jett shrieked. Several leaves fluttered off of the Ent she was in. "Oops! Sorry!" Jett shinnied down the Ent and splashed the rest of the way to them on foot. "You're here! Come and see! I made a big crack and Mr. Saruman started crying."

The birch tree Ent stopped near them and made a rustling sound that might have been laughter. "It was an amusing sight. The wizard stood on his balcony shaking his fist and demanding that the child cease breaking his tower." The Ent rustled again. "I think perhaps I did see the sparkle of moisture on his cheeks."

"We should probably leave Saruman until Gandalf is ready to deal with him," Aragorn said. "We've ridden far today and I wouldn't say no to food, drink and a smoke."

This sentiment was shared pretty much by everyone, so the group set about making a meal and exchanging stories. Merry and Pippin were astonished to hear about the battle at Helm's Deep, and everyone else was equally stunned to hear about the fall of Isengard. Treize, Zechs and Alexa returned with more supplies while everyone was talking, so some stories had to be repeated, but in the end, everyone knew what had happened to everyone else.

It had gotten dark by then, so when Gandalf and the rest rejoined them, along with Treebeard, it was decided to leave the matter of Saruman until morning, and everyone settled down to sleep, since the Ents were keeping guard. But in the morning, everyone remounted their horses and Gandalf led the way to the tower along a path flanked by Ents to keep them out of the pits. Roku swam along beside them, weaving in and out around the trunks of the Ents. As they drew near, Saruman appeared on a balcony far above them.

"You have no business here, Gandalf the Gray!" Saruman shouted at them. "Begone!"

"I am Gandalf the Gray no more, Saruman," Gandalf called back. "I am Gandalf the White, tasked to fulfill the duties you shirked when you fell under Sauron's spell."

"I am under no spell!" Saruman snorted. "My mind and my powers are my own!" He lifted his staff and a bolt of lightning sizzled into the water in front of Shadowfax's nose.

Shadowfax flicked an ear and huffed air out of his nose.

"He seems unimpressed," Treize remarked.

"But he just called Saruman something most unflattering," Trowa snickered.

"There's a man up there with him," Roku said. "It's that Grima person Théoden kicked out of Edoras."

"Grima?" Théoden said in surprise. "Grima!" he called. "Come down from there! You do not have to throw your lot in with that wizard. Forgiveness may yet be had should you seek it."

"Forgiveness for a traitor?" Grima squeaked from behind Saruman, but there was a hopeful note in his voice.

"Silence, fool!" Saruman backhanded Grima angrily before leaning back over the rail. "Leave this place at once. I warn you…" He held up his staff again, but Gandalf made a sharp gesture. With a loud crack, Saruman's staff snapped in two and tumbled from his fingers. "No!" Saruman screamed. "How dare you?"

"There can be forgiveness for you, too, Saruman, but only as a mortal man," Gandalf said gravely. "Your power is gone."

"Never!" Saruman picked up the broken pieces of his staff and flung them at Gandalf, but his robe caught on the edge and something fell from his pocket with a loud _thunk_. "Ah!" The wizard turned to retrieve the object, but Grima, already on his knees, was quicker. He scooped up the object and flung it over the railing with a strangled cry.

"You fool!" Saruman shrieked. He grasped Grima by the neck and shook him so hard that they could all hear Grima's neck snap.

"Grima!" Théoden cried.

While everyone was distracted by Grima's unfortunate demise, Pippin, who'd been sitting behind Gandalf on Shadowfax, slid off the horse and splashed through the water to where the object had fallen.

"I don't think you should touch that, Pippin," Roku said.

Pippin lifted the object from the water; a dark glass orb the size of his head. "But you saw the way Saruman reacted! It must be important!"

"Undoubtedly," Roku agreed. "But that doesn't mean you should touch it."

"Pippin!" Gandalf suddenly called. "Bring that here at once!"

"See?" Roku said.

Pippin slogged guiltily over to Gandalf and held up the orb.

Gandalf quickly secreted it away in one of his pockets. "I do not think Saruman would have readily given this up," he said. "It is as well that Grima threw it, though it cost him his life. Treebeard, I think you can stop guarding the tower. Saruman no longer has his staff, so he cannot harm anyone. Let him go."

"What?" Heero, Wu-Fei, Trowa, Quatre, Duo, Treize and Zechs shouted in unison.

"You're going to let him escape?" Quatre clarified for the group.

"He can no longer do any harm," Gandalf said. "What is the point of slaughtering him now?"

"Maybe to avenge all the men who died at Helm's Deep?" Treize snapped instantly.

"And he may not have power, but that doesn't mean he's harmless," Zechs pointed out.

"Nevertheless," Gandalf said, "vengeance is useless here. It is time we returned to Edoras." He reached down to grab Pippin's hand and hauled the young hobbit back up behind him. Then he turned Shadowfax around and rode away, followed by Théoden, Eomer, Aragorn and Merry, Legolas and Gimli, and the rest of the riders of Rohan.

"Who besides me thinks this is the stupidest idea anyone's had today?" Heero growled.

Eight hands and a paw shot up.

"Good!" Heero nodded sharply. "The rest of you go on ahead. Wu-Fei and I will wait here and finish cleaning up the mess. We'll catch up with you later."

"Sounds good," Treize said.

Zechs just shook his head. "Who in his right mind thinks leaving a live enemy behind is better than leaving a dead enemy behind?"

"It's hard to fathom," Trowa agreed.

"It's a good thing we're here," Quatre said. He nudged his horse to a walk. "Don't be too long, you guys."

"We won't," Wu-Fei said.

Outside the valley, the Gundam pilots quickly caught up with the rest of the party.

"Where are Heero and Wu-Fei?" Aragorn asked.

"They're bringing up the rear," Quatre replied calmly. "Just in case the Ents missed someone."

Aragorn studied him suspiciously. "We saw no one on the way here."

"It never hurts to be careful."

The company stopped to make camp about an hour before sunset. It had been full dark for about an hour when Heero and Wu-Fei rode into camp.

"Did you run into trouble?" Aragorn asked. "You fell quite a ways behind us."

"No trouble," Heero said. "The way behind us is safe and clear." He lifted an eyebrow at the other Gundam pilots.

Aragorn frowned. "I think you have acted in defiance of Gandalf's instructions," he whispered sharply. "Or am I wrong to think that Saruman no longer lives?"

"You're a clever man, Aragorn," Heero replied. "So I'm sure you recognize the wisdom of not leaving a dangerous person on the loose, no matter how helpless some people might imagine him to be."

Aragorn chewed his lip. "Well, perhaps that was the wiser decision in the long run, but it might have been better to discuss it."

"We did discuss it."

"I meant with us."

"Oh."

"Well, it's done now," Wu-Fei said, "so further discussion is pointless. What's for dinner? Something that died recently, I hope?" He sniffed with vague alarm at the smells wafting from the cook fires tended by the riders.

"You wish," Duo smirked. "But Roku has apples."

"Bless you, Roku. What else have you got?"

"Food-wise? Three beef roasts, one of which is uncooked, four hams, six roast chickens, a roasted duck, three live ducks, eight trout, two frogs, a dozen snails, some mushrooms, fifteen ears of corn, a bushel of potatoes, three bunches of carrots, seventeen onions, twelve garlics, eight loaves of bread, some dark, some rye and some white, a wheel of hard yellow cheese, about a third of a wheel of soft white cheese, a bushel of red and yellow apples, a tub of butter, three jars of currant jam, a small cask of red wine, two barrels of ale, a jug of milk and an assortment of canned goods."

Wu-Fei stared. "You have canned goods?"

"And a can opener."

"Back up," Duo interrupted. "I want to know why there are snails."

"They're fun to lick out of their shells," Roku said. "They're the big kind."

Wu-Fei grimaced. "I'll pass. How about just an apple, some cheese and a little bread?"

"Sure thing."

"Just when did you acquire all of that food, young man?" Quatre demanded sternly.

"There was a lot of stuff lying around in the back rooms of Helm's Deep. Since everyone was leaving, I didn't see any reason to just leave it there to spoil. And the rest I picked up back at Isengard."

"I doubt either of those places had canned goods."

"Oh, that. I got that before we left Mars. Just in case."

Quatre put a hand over his face. "From where?"

"Miss Noin's house."

"You stole Noin's canned goods?"

"I left her a turkey."

"A roasted one?"

"No, it was alive. I didn't know when she'd get a chance to eat it."

Quatre rubbed his temples. "You left a live turkey in Noin's house?"

"Yes."

"She's going to kill us."

"But she said she liked turkey."

"This cannot possibly end well."

Roku waved a paw. "You worry too much."

"He's right, Quatre," Trowa said. "Try not to think about it."

"You'll feel differently when we all die at Noin's hands."

"I'm sure she'll forgive us. Noin is very understanding."

"I don't think we're talking about the same person."

"Maybe we'll get lucky and Sally will take care of the turkey before Noin ever sees it," Zechs said.

"Personally," Treize said, "I would like to know where Roku got a live turkey on Mars."

"That's the sort of question that should probably go unanswered," Zechs replied.

"True."

"Does anyone else want anything?" Roku asked.

"I want a chicken," Jett replied.

"Eat some vegetables with that," Duo said absently.

"And some carrots," Jett added.

"I'll have the same," Alexa said. "With an apple. And bread."

"And butter and jam," Jett continued.

"If food is being handed out," Gimli spoke up, "I wouldn't say no to a nice pair of trout."

"Did I hear you mention ham?" Aragorn asked.

"Yup."

"It's too bad you haven't any lambas bread," Legolas said.

"Oh, I have some of that," Roku replied. "I just didn't mention it because Papa Wu-Fei asked me about food."


	8. The Pass at Cirith Ungol

Chapter 8: **The Pass at Cirith Ungol**

"We have to climb that?" Frodo stared in dismay at the steep, narrow staircase that wound its way up the relatively sheer face of the cliff above the road leading to the ancient fortress that guarded the lower pass.

"Yes! Yes!" Gollum whined. "Up the stairs we must go, to the tunnel! It's the only way!" He scampered up the first few steps and then scrambled back down to grab Frodo by the hand. "Come! Come!" He tugged Frodo up the steps and the exhausted hobbit stumbled after him.

"Not so fast!" Sam protested. He scurried after them and slapped Gollum's hand away. "He doesn't need _your_ help." Sam then grasped Frodo's hand himself and proceeded to lead Frodo up the steps at a more sedate pace.

"I can walk on my own, Sam," Frodo wheezed, but when Sam released his hand, he proceeded to crawl rather than walk up the steps. Sam let him crawl by and then followed close on his heels, ready to catch Frodo should he slip on the damp stones.

Hadeya brought up the rear. "This could take awhile," he muttered.

The trip up the steep staircase was slow and tedious, and with the sky completely masked by the thick black smoke being spewed out by the volcano, there was no way to judge the passage of time except the increasing tiredness of their muscles. Hadeya called a halt when he deemed it close to sunset.

"Let's get some rest," he said, shrugging out of his pack when they reached a reasonably wide ledge.

Frodo immediately collapsed, gasping for air. "How much farther is it?"

"Not far!" Gollum assured him.

Sam stared up the sheer cliff, where the stairs disappeared into darkness. "You can't be serious! I can't even see the top!"

Gollum scowled at him. "It's not far!" he repeated decisively. "Stop discouraging Master!"

"Me?" Sam choked out. "Who do you think you are, you little maggot? I've been more help to Frodo on this journey than you'll ever be! You're just a whiny, smelly burden on the rest of us!"

"Sam," Frodo interrupted wearily, "do we have any food left?"

"Yes, Mr. Frodo!" Sam dug into his pack and produced two packets of leaf-wrapped lembas bread. He handed one to Frodo. "We've plenty of the elven waybread left."

Frodo bit into the unappealing wafer without much enthusiasm, but he munched it steadily, much to Sam's obvious relief. He offered the other packet to Hadeya.

Hadeya shook his head. "No, thanks. I can last awhile yet without food. There are one or two advantages to being a demigod."

Sam scratched his head. "About that... I thought Mr. Heero was your father."

"He is. But my mother is the goddess Freya, so I inherited many god-like traits from her, among them immortality, which allows me to go without food for a long time if I need to."

"So you can't die?" Sam squinted in confusion as he pondered this concept.

"I can be killed," Hadeya said, "but I won't die of natural causes."

Frodo had not appeared to be paying attention to their conversation, but now he straightened up. "I have not heard of the goddess Freya before," he said.

"Freya is the goddess of love, beauty and fertility," Hadeya replied. "Although she was working hardest on the fertility part when she met my father," he added with a snicker.

Sam blushed. "Umm... They weren't acquainted before then?"

"No. My father and the rest had just come to Asgard on vacation. They stayed just long enough for Zechs to have Alexa and for my father to knock up my mother."

Sam's blush deepened. "They weren't married?"

"Gods don't normally marry mortals."

"Wait a minute!" Frodo interrupted. The conversation seemed to have re-energized him. "What do you mean Zechs had Alexa? Zechs is a man! Didn't they just adopt her?"

"Well, that's kind of a complicated story, so let me just say that magic was involved. Alexa is the genetic offspring of Treize and Zechs, and Zechs gave birth to her. I wouldn't ask Zechs about it if I were you, though. He's still a little ticked about how he ended up pregnant in the first place."

"I think," Frodo said faintly, "I don't want to know more."

Sam nodded vigorously. He munched on a piece of lembas bread as if it were actually tasty.

They all managed to sleep a little bit, despite being balanced rather precariously on a ledge above a steep drop. But it was still extremely dark when Hadeya declared it morning and said they should get moving. They started once again to climb the stairs, the hobbits frequently having to use their hands to get over some of the steeper places because of their small stature. But after what seemed like forever, they finally clambered up onto a ledge with no more stairs above it. A narrow path led off to their right, creeping along the cliff face before disappearing into a narrow cleft in the rocks.

"The trail!" Gollum squealed. "Just as I promised! And after the trail is a tunnel and then we will be there!"

"We'll be where?" Sam demanded.

"There's a door," Gollum called vaguely over his shoulder. "Follow me!" He dashed off down the trail and plunged into the rocks.

"I don't trust him," Sam muttered darkly. "He's up to something."

"He's kept his word so far," Frodo said tiredly. "Let's just keep going."

They trudged stiffly down the trail after Gollum and everyone heaved a sigh of relief when they left the exposed cliff face behind them. But the narrow, twisting trail between sharp-edged rocks was not a lot better than the path along the cliff. Everyone's hands and the hobbits feet were torn and bloodied in any place that had managed to be left unscathed by the climb up the staircase. But at last they came to a dark opening between two rocks from which issued a stench so foul that everyone stopped to gag and Frodo wretched up what little food he had consumed to that point.

"I can't go in there!" Frodo rasped, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

"But we must!" Gollum cried. "This is the way in!" He dashed partway into the cave and then dashed back, grabbing Frodo's sleeve. "Just a little farther!" He dragged Frodo into the cave with surprising strength and they disappeared into the darkness.

"Hey!" Sam shouted. He darted after them, disappearing into the dark as well.

"Oh, great!" Hadeya exclaimed. "This is just what I need! Blundering around in a stinking cave in the dark looking for two wretched hobbits! I completely deserve to get laid after this!" He marched into the cave and immediately ran into something sticky. "What the hell?" He swiped at it and his hand came away covered in thick sticky strands. "This is not good," he muttered. "Given how thick these strands are, this must be one hell of a big spider. I imagine it would find a hobbit a yummy snack." He sighed. "Well, I suppose I should probably prevent that." He forged ahead into the cave. "Frodo! Sam! Where are you?"

A faint shout that might have been Sam's voice echoed out of the darkness.

Hadeya hurried in that direction, tripping over unseen rocks and slipping in patches of icy water. "I should really have had Uncle Quatre teach me how to make light balls!" he muttered. "Sam!"

"Mr. Frodo!" Sam's cry was just a short way ahead.

"Gollum!" Frodo's voice echoed weakly off the cave walls. "Which way have you gone? Goll…" Frodo's shout cut off with a startled grunt, followed by a strange skittering sound.

"Mr. Frodo?" Sam called. "What's happened? Mr. Frodo!" A brilliant flash of light illuminated the cave, revealing a glittering tangle of thick spider web. Sam was holding aloft Frodo's little vial of liquid that Galadriel had given him and light as bright as the sun poured out between his fingers. Directly above his head, a giant black spider about the size of an elephant crouched in the web, Frodo's unconscious form dangling from two of its legs. "You let him go!" Sam shrieked, waving Frodo's sword.

The spider scuttled back from the light, taking Frodo with her.

Sam slashed at the web, somehow managing to cut a major strand and the spider lost her grip. She dropped heavily to the floor of the cave and charged at Sam, leaving Frodo on the floor behind her. Sam hacked away valiantly, doing practically no damage.

Hadeya sighed. "Excuse me, but could we all just take a moment?"

"No!" Sam cried. "She killed Mr. Frodo!" He charged forward and the spider smacked him aside with one hairy leg. Sam dropped the vial and the light went out.

Having seen where it fell, Hadeya walked over and picked it up. Then he planted a foot on Sam's chest so he couldn't get up. "Sam," he said calmly. "Spiders eat live prey. Frodo is not dead. Now would you please quit making such a fuss? I'd like to have a conversation here." He turned to the spider. "Good evening, Mistress. How are you today?"

The spider settled back on her hind legs and waggled her forelegs. "Well enough, although I was hoping for a better meal than orc tonight." Her mandibles clacked as she spoke.

"I daresay," Hadeya replied, "but it would be very inconvenient for me if you ate my companion."

"If I ate all three of you," the spider responded, "you would be less inconvenienced."

"That's a good point, although one might consider death to be a huge inconvenience."

"Very true."

"Is there something I might offer you in exchange for not eating us?"

"Well…" the spider clacked her mandibles thoughtfully. "I have grown too large to escape this cave. The trail down the cliff face is too steep for my weight and the orcs have blocked the other end of the cave with an iron-bound door. If I could escape through that door, I could make my way somewhere that has better foraging."

"As it happens," Hadeya said, "we need to go through that door. If you showed me where it is and I am able to open it, I would have very little reason to close it behind me."

"And if you cannot open it, you will have no escape from my web and I can eat you."

"That sounds fair."

"What?" Sam spluttered.

"I think Mistress Spider has made a very reasonable offer," Hadeya said. "I think we should take her up on it."

"But what about Mr. Frodo?"

"Your companion will awaken in a few hours," the spider said. "I have heard that my venom leaves a splitting headache and pronounced nausea, but I have not heard of any other ill effects." She scuttled to the side. "See for yourself."

Hadeya let Sam up and he raced to Frodo's side. "He's so pale!"

"It's the lack of breathing," the spider said.

"You said he wasn't dead!" Sam waved the sword at her threateningly.

"He's not. The blood coagulates in dead prey. I hate that."

Sam pressed his ear to Frodo's chest. "His heart's still beating." He went very still. "And he is breathing! Just very slowly."

"I told you." The spider turned and scurried down a side tunnel. "The door is this way."

"Come on, Sam." Hadeya shouldered Frodo and started after the spider.

"How can you trust a creature like that?" Sam whispered anxiously.

"I've trusted worse," Hadeya replied casually. "And besides, she might be one of Loki's children, which would make her my cousin."

"Your cousin?" Sam choked.

Hadeya shrugged. "I have scarier cousins."

They followed the spider down the long dark tunnel until it dead-ended against a thick oak door bound with stout iron bands and studded with sharp spikes. A large iron lock was embedded in the planks.

Hadeya deposited Frodo on the ground and leaned over to examine it. "Well, this isn't much of a lock." He pulled out his belt knife. "I think the blade should be thin enough." Carefully, he inserted the tip into the lock and felt around. There was a faint click. "Ah!" He wiggled the knife around some more and was rewarded with another click. "Just one more, I think." He probed for a while longer and there was another soft click, followed by the louder clack of the door unlatching. "There we go!" He sheathed his knife and scooped up Frodo. "Mistress Spider, would you care to go first? I imagine you have a grudge or two to settle with these orcs for locking you in all these years."

"That is very thoughtful of you," the spider said. She scuttled past them and squeezed through the door.

Hadeya gave her a bit of a head start. "With any luck, she'll clean out the orcs in our path and we should make it into Mordor undetected." He put the vial in his pocket, extinguishing the light. "Nevertheless, there's no reason to announce our presence. Let's go."

"Where do you suppose that wretched Gollum has got to?" Sam wondered aloud. "I know he led us into that spider's lair on purpose."

"Undoubtedly," Hadeya agreed. "He probably hoped that she would kill us and then he could just pick over the discarded husks to reclaim the ring. I imagine he'll lay low now that his plot has been uncovered. Even Frodo is unlikely to think the best of him after this."

The rough passage they were following abruptly exited the mountainside, but it was hardly any lighter outside the cave than inside. They continued up the path, which occasionally had rough-hewn stairs up the steeper places.

Sam craned his neck, looking ahead. "I don't see that spider. What if she's waiting up ahead to waylay us?" A startled cry up ahead made him jump.

"I think not," Hadeya replied. "It sounds like she's stumbled across the orcs."

A chorus of hoarse shouts and the rasp of swords being drawn echoed down the path.

"It's Shelob!"

"How did she get out?"

Hadeya put Frodo down. "Keep an eye on him. I'm going ahead to make sure no one makes it down the trail past Shelob." Leaving Sam behind, Hadeya ghosted up the trail. Just around a slight bend, the trail widened out into a narrow plateau as it approached the entrance to a rundown fortress. Moving much faster than one would have expected for a creature of her bulk, Shelob was skittering back and forth across the plateau, clouting orcs in all directions and stabbing them with the sharp curved spine at the bottom of her abdomen. The orcs whacked away at her desperately, but the barbs on her legs deflected their swords easily. Hadeya jumped into the fight. "You don't mind, do you, Mistress Shelob?" he shouted at the spider. "It's been awhile since I got to kill anything and it's been getting on my nerves. I think I'm starting to take after my father," he added with a chuckle.

"I can respect your father's sentiment, especially where orcs are concerned." She caught one in her mandibles and bit it in two, spurting black Orc blood everywhere.

Hadeya hacked off an orc's head. More orcs poured out of the fortress to join the fight, but between the two of them, Shelob and Hadeya finished them off.

"You didn't save any to eat," Hadeya noted.

"They taste bad," Shelob said. "But from here, I can get down into the forest, where there is better game. And if I go south, I can get fresh Easterlings. Very tasty!"

"I wish you the best, then." Hadeya bowed politely.

"The same to you," Shelob bent her forelegs, dipping into a slight bow before scurrying off through the fortress gates.

Hadeya went back to get Sam and Frodo. "There must be a way into Mordor through the fortress up ahead. Shelob went that way. Come on." He shouldered Frodo again and started back up the trail with Sam on his heels.

Sam stared when they came out onto the plateau. "That's a lot of orcs!"

"Yes, indeed," Hadeya said. "The fortress should be empty."

They went through the gates and entered a small courtyard. It was cluttered with broken furniture, and reeked of things neither of them wanted to identify. The only other exit from the courtyard was a door into the keep, so they went in. The inside of the keep smelled even worse and included gnawed bones and stinking refuse along with the broken furniture. Decaying stairs wound up from the floor of the long common room. Since they did not see any other exits, they climbed the stairs to the next floor. A dying orc with its arm sheared off stared at them blankly when they reached the next landing.

"It looks like Shelob went this way," Hadeya said. They continued up to the next landing, where a rickety wooden door that looked like it had only recently been ripped off its hinges lay inside an open doorway. On the far side of this room, a wide, iron-banded door stood wide open, revealing a desolate red landscape, with the lava-spewing volcano visible in the distance. "And here we are," Hadeya said gravely. "Mordor."

"That's a most inhospitable looking place," Sam said mournfully. "And I think we won't find a drop of water to drink out there."

"You're probably right," Hadeya said. "Let's look for supplies before we go. And we should probably snag some orc armor and disguise ourselves. We're a little too attractive to pass for orcs, I think."

So they put the unconscious Frodo in a corner and hid him under a pile of rags and scrap wood. But as they were about to go searching, Sam stopped with a frown. "Maybe we shouldn't leave the ring with Mr. Frodo while he can't defend himself. All kinds of nasty creatures seem to be attracted to it, and this close to Mordor, I bet there are a whole lot of very nasty creatures."

"That's probably true." Hadeya reached under the pile hiding Frodo and felt around. "Ah, here it is." He pulled out the ring, dangling it from its chain. "Do you want to carry it?"

Sam eyed the ring uncomfortably. "I don't know if I should. It's whispering at me."

"Really?" Hadeya eyed the ring. "I don't hear anything. Oh, well." He shoved the ring in his pocket. "Let's go. I don't want to stay here too long."

A quick search of the fortress turned up a skin of water, several skins of a foul-tasting brew that was probably intoxicating, and some very moldy bread.

"I think I'd rather starve than eat that," Sam said when Hadeya showed him the bread.

"You think that all up until your belly's flat up against your spine," Hadeya said. "And then you're suddenly very happy to have even moldy bread." He tucked it in his pouch. "I don't think there's anything else worth taking. Let's collect Frodo and move out."

But when they returned to the upper floor, they found Frodo sitting up in the middle of the junk they'd hidden him under, searching himself with a look of horrified panic on his face. When he saw them, he leaped to his feet with a strangled cry.

"It's gone! The ring is gone! The orcs must have it!"

"It's all right, Mr. Frodo!" Sam said as encouragingly as he could. "The orcs haven't got it. We took it with us just to be safe when we had to leave you here."

A suddenly suspicious look sprang up on Frodo's face. "You took it? And you left me here?"

"Just for the moment, Mr. Frodo!" Sam said hastily. "We didn't know when you would wake up from the spider's venom!"

"The spider?" Frodo's frown faded to a look of confusion. "In the cave?"

"That's right! There was a big spider in the cave and she stung you. But Hadeya convinced her not to eat us and we were able to escape." Sam drew himself up. "Gollum led us into that trap on purpose! I told you he couldn't be trusted."

Hadeya pulled the ring out of his pocket and held it out. "Here's the ring, Frodo."

Frodo snatched it out of his hand and quickly slipped the chain over his head, clutching the ring against his chest. "Thank you!" he whispered. "I'm sorry to be this way. It's just…"

"No explanations necessary, Frodo," Hadeya assured him. "Put this on." He held out a reeking cloak and a shirt. "I have a helmet for you, too."

"What for?" Frodo eyed the clothing with distaste.

"We have to cross open country that is likely crawling with orcs. We need to look like them. So get dressed. I want to get moving before the sun goes down completely."

Frodo stared toward the vague outline of the door. "There's sun?"

"For another hour or so." Hadeya pulled a tattered shirt over his head, followed by some banged up chain mail. He whipped a stained cloak around his shoulders and plopped a closed helmet with a narrow grill for his eyes on his head. "How do I look?"

"Hideous!" Sam declared. "What about me?"

"Very orc-like."

Frodo managed a smile as he put on his shirt and cloak. Once he had his helmet settled on his head, they set out. Slipping out through the open doors and hurrying along a twisting path that wound down through the steep foothills, they rather quickly came upon a wide road of crushed red rock.

"I don't like the looks of this," Hadeya muttered as they crouched behind some boulders next to the road. "This road looks well-used. And I see a lot of campfires. There's a huge army out there and they're in between us and that volcano."

"What are we going to do?" Sam asked worriedly. He looked anxiously at Frodo, who was leaning against the boulder breathing hard.

"Well…" Hadeya rubbed his chin. "We'll do the best we can, but since we look like orcs, we may have to act like it at some point. But for the moment, this road is going in the right direction, so we'll take it." He looked up at the sky. "But not right now. It's sunset. Let's get some sleep."

They went back up the trail a little way and then off to one side, finding a fairly flat spot between a trio of boulders were they had something that approximated shelter. Frodo immediately fell into a deep sleep.

Sam squirmed around, trying to find a comfortable position. "Do you think we'll make it, Hadeya? All the way to Mount Doom, I mean."

"We'd better," Hadeya grumbled. "Getting this far and not going all the way sounds too much like _coitus interruptus_."


	9. The Palantir

Chapter 9: **The Palantir**

"This place we're going," Merry asked Aragorn quietly. "What is it, again?"

"Edoras," Aragorn replied, "the home of the mighty Horse-Lords of Rohan, the Rohirrim, whom you see riding all around us."

"Ah." Merry rubbed his chin. "How far is it from there to where Frodo and Sam are?"

"Many, many leagues," Aragorn said sadly. "There is no chance that we could rejoin them, if that's what you're thinking."

Merry sighed. "That's too bad. I thought we would be able to go with Frodo the whole way."

"That was my intention as well," Aragorn said, "but events transpired which prevented it."

"You mean me and Pippin getting kidnapped," Merry said guiltily.

"That was only one of many things," Aragorn said. "In truth, we men could not have stayed around the ring much longer. It preys upon our minds more readily than it does others. You hobbits are resilient, and elves' minds are more closed to its strong pull. Even dwarves are made of sterner stuff than we men where pure evil is concerned." He sighed. "It seems we are more readily corruptible."

"But you are not such a man!" Legolas said. "You are more akin to my kind in the strength of your character."

"You are kind to say so, Legolas," Aragorn said. "It is heartening to be well-thought of."

"We all think well of you, Aragorn," Merry said.

"Indeed," Gimli concurred, "while we dwarves normally do not think much of non-dwarves, as people go, you are one of the finest, Aragorn."

"Thank you."

"After all this praise, I think they need a group hug," Heero muttered.

"Be nice," Wu-Fei murmured.

"I am! I didn't cut off anybody's head for being nauseating, did I?"

"I stand corrected."

"Why are you so testy, Heero?" Duo said. "Haven't you had enough fighting? We had some pretty stellar battles back there at Helm's Deep."

Heero scowled. "I'm just wondering what's going on with Hadeya."

"I told you he's fine. I just thought at him yesterday."

"Why are you worried?" Quatre asked. "He's a demigod. If he needs to, he can always call the rainbow bridge and escape if things get hairy."

"But if he does that, how does he get back here? We are in a book, remember."

"It's not a book!" Quatre said archly. "It is an alternate reality based on literature given life by my truly superior magical ability."

"Is that really how it works?" Treize blinked thoughtfully. "If that's the case, that would make your powers equivalent to a god, since these people with us seem to have a real existence."

"Of course that's how it works and I expect you all to start treating me with the worshipful respect that I deserve."

"I think he's making that up," said Duo.

"Quatre's cute enough to be a god," Trowa grinned. "His cute little bottom is certainly godlike."

"Don't talk about my bottom that way!"

"How would you like me to talk about your bottom?"

"You don't need to talk about my bottom at all!"

"All right. How about if I just fondle it in silence then?"

"I'm using it!"

"When you get off the horse, I mean."

Quatre glared at him. "I'm never getting off this horse."

"Well," Trowa said slowly. "If you insist. But then, that will give me the chance to try this new position I was thinking about that requires us to be on horseback. I was inspired by our horse-lord friends."

Quatre paled. "What?"

"I think it will be a lot of fun. As long as we don't fall off, anyway. But I have excellent balance, so it shouldn't be a problem."

"That sounds like some fancy trick-riding," Treize said. "I am a very good horseman. Do you think I could learn this one?"

"Undoubtedly. Zechs is kind of tall, though. He might find it tricky."

"Why do you have to bring me up?" Zechs complained. "I didn't say anything!"

"Well, it requires two riders."

"Leave me out. I'll have all my sex safely on the ground, thank you very much."

"But what about that time on the table…" Treize began.

"Shut up!"

"And there was the back of the couch…"

"I'm warning you..."

"And then there were all those times in the mobile suit when we were young."

"You did it in a mobile suit?" Duo asked, his eyes lighting up. "I never knew you were so kinky!"

"Like I said, we were young and eager. Any place seemed good in those days."

"You naughty thing!"

"I'm never letting you touch me again," Zechs grumbled.

"Oh, Zechs, don't be like that."

"Hmph!"

Eomer, his cheeks flaming, edged his horse closer to Aragorn's. "Are all their conversations so… salacious?"

Aragorn chuckled. "I'm afraid so, but you get used to it."

"I can't imagine how," Eomer said. "We men of Rohan are not so open about matters of the flesh. Our women would never put up with it."

"You've obviously never listened to a group of women talking," Duo said. "They can get pretty raunchy."

"My sister would never engage in such conversation!" Eomer retorted stiffly. "She is too well-bred."

"I bet she just doesn't have anyone to talk to."

When the party arrived at Edoras, there were flags flying from the watchtowers and the citizens cheered as they rode up to the golden hall of Meduseld.

"It is good to see our people happy again," Théoden said. "Perhaps the dark days are finally behind us."

"I fear that won't be so until Sauron is defeated," Gandalf said gravely. "Great though it was, this battle we have fought is but the first of many battles to come. We cannot yet let our guard down."

Eowyn was waiting for them at the top of the wide steps leading up to the hall and she greeted them with smiles as they dismounted. "Welcome home, Uncle! Welcome, everyone! When the lookouts saw you approaching, I ordered a feast of celebration to be prepared. We have waited for this moment, when we are all together again, to finally celebrate our victory over the forces of Saruman."

"You are most thoughtful, Niece," Théoden replied as he swung down from his horse. "Though Gandalf has reminded me that the war is not yet won, I think a moment of celebration is well-deserved."

After some milling about, many of the riders and all of the Gundam pilots entered the hall. The large common room was set up with dozens of trestle tables and benches, and casks of ale lined one wall. Fistfuls of tankards stood on the tables and Eomer immediately grabbed a double handful.

"Let's toast our homecoming!" he cried and dipped the mugs into the nearest cask. He handed out the foaming mugs and reached for more. Soon enough, every man was holding a brimming tankard and Eomer held his up. "Friends and brothers!" he cried loudly. "In the name of our fallen comrades, I give you Théoden King!"

"Théoden King!" roared the response from dozens of throats, and then everyone quaffed their ale.

"We didn't get to toast!" Alexa complained.

"I have fresh milk for you," Eowyn said. She gave Alexa and Jett tankards, but instead of ale, she filled them with creamy milk from a pitcher.

"May I have milk, too?" Roku asked.

"Of course!" Eowyn looked around quickly and found a deep trencher. She poured a generous portion of milk for Roku, but before she could move the trencher to the floor, Roku reared up and planted his paws on the table on either side of it and began to lap up the milk.

"Yum!" he purred.

Alexa took a long drink. "This is good!"

"Um-hm!" Jett agreed.

With the ale flowing freely, everyone was pretty much smashed by the time dinner was served. Eowyn had undone herself, and clearly had not done any cooking, as the tables groaned under delicious-smelling roasts of mutton, pork, chicken and goose, boiled potatoes and turnips, and stewed cabbages stuffed with sausage. There was also fresh baked bread with creamy butter, and sweet currant pies for dessert. It was all in all a very excellent meal and folks tucked into it with enthusiasm.

But at some point, as will happen when you put a lot of men in the same room with liquor, someone started a drinking game.

"Come now, Elf!" Gimli exclaimed loudly at Legolas. "Don't tell me you've never done this before!"

"It's a drinking contest?" Legolas blinked curiously. "But what is the point?"

"To see who can drink the most, of course!"

"I see." Legolas accepted a mug of ale. "So I just drink the whole thing?"

"That's right!" Gimli boomed. "Bottom's up!" He tilted up his mug and drained it.

Legolas did the same. "Is that it?"

"No!" Gimli waved a hand at him. "We keep doing it until someone passes out. Another round!"

More mugs were brought and the participants, one of whom was Duo, quickly quaffed them down. This went on as mug after mug was brought and one by one, riders began to fall by the way. Eventually, only Gimli, Legolas and Duo were left, and the tables around them were littered with empty mugs and unconscious riders. The spectators cheered them on, taking bets on whether or not anyone would remain conscious.

"I think," Legolas said slowly, "I may be getting drunk." He blinked anxiously at Gimli. "What does it feel like?"

"It feels," Gimli slurred out, "like your first woman! Hah!" Then he squinted at Legolas. "Or your first man!"

"What?" Legolas exclaimed.

"There's some truth in that," Duo said. He reached for another mug. "You ready?"

Legolas snatched up a mug and glared at Gimli. Gimli reached for a mug, but he had to lean over for it, which was a mistake. He just kept leaning and finally ended up face down on the floor.

"Gimli's out," Aragorn said.

Duo and Legolas each downed their mug.

"I tell you what," Duo said. "Rather than keep drinking until we're too drunk to have sex, let's arm wrestle to determine the victor. But since we've been drinking, I think we should name proxies. I pick Heero."

Heero started. "What?"

"I don't know why, but that makes sense," Legolas said.

"That's because you're drunk," Aragorn pointed out.

"Really?" Legolas grinned. "I've never been drunk before. It's kind of fun. Who should I name as my proxy?"

"Pick Eomer!" Duo whispered loudly.

"Eomer?"

"Me?"

"Aye! Eomer!" several riders cheered. "Show these youngsters what a man is made of!"

Heero rolled his eyes. "Why do I let you get me into these things?"

"Because you think I'm cute."

"You're not that cute."

"Yes, I am."

"A match! A match!" Everyone clapped as space was cleared at a table so Eomer and Heero could sit across from each other.

"Don't break his arm," Wu-Fei said.

"Woo-hoo!" One of Eomer's subordinates slapped him on the back. "Did you hear that, Captain? We're counting on you!"

Eomer stared grimly across the table at Heero. He plunked his elbow down and held out his hand. Heero matched him and gripped Eomer's hand firmly.

Wu-Fei clasped their joined fists. "Ready? Begin!" He snatched his hand away.

Eomer's muscles bulged out as he pushed against Heero's hand. But Heero's apparently smaller arm didn't even budge. Eomer's face turned red and he grunted with effort. Heero's arm still didn't move. A look of worry widened Eomer's eyes.

Wu-Fei leaned over and whispered into Heero's ear. "You should let him win. You don't want to make him lose face in front of his peers."

Heero made a face, but then his arm began to slowly edge backwards. Eomer redoubled his efforts and with a loud grunt, he forced Heero's arm down.

"Huzzah!" All around, riders of Rohan cheered with delight, pounding Eomer on the back and declaring him the best man in Rohan.

"That was quite decent of you, Heero," Zechs murmured.

"Yeah, well, I didn't want to win anyway. Duo would just try to reward me with sex."

Zechs blinked at him. "Are you somehow under the impression that this will get you out of sex?"

Heero scowled. "You're right. What the hell was I thinking?"

"Aw, man!" Duo complained. He draped over Heero's shoulder. "I blame Wu-Fei for being a decent fellow. You both owe me a thorough banging for making me lose the drinking contest. Eowyn! Where are we sleeping?"

"Oh!" Eowyn started out of a doze. "I have set up a dormitory." She swayed to her feet and looked around. "There are more people than I planned for, though."

"Most of them are already asleep," Aragorn said. "Let's just shove them under the tables for now."

"That sounds like a good idea," Legolas said.

"Only to a drunk," Treize murmured.

But without further ado, anyone who was not awake was shoved under the nearest table, to the point that they were piled up a little unceremoniously, and everyone else who didn't have their own room headed to the dormitory Eowyn had prepared.

Roku trotted up next to Aragorn. "Now's your chance, you know. Since Legolas thinks he's drunk, you could probably talk him into doing something naughty."

Aragorn flushed. "I am not taking advantage of someone who is the worse for drink."

"He's not really drunk, though," Roku assured him. "He just thinks he is. But it gives him an excuse to do something outrageous. You should ask him."

"How old are you, again?"

"Thirteen, basically."

"You are much too young to already be such a bad influence."

"I've had good teachers," Roku chuckled. "Anyway, you should catch him before someone else does. There aren't as many women as men here so I suspect these riders aren't all that picky about how they entertain themselves, especially when they've been drinking. And from the way some of them smell, I think bipeds aren't always involved."

Aragorn blinked several times and stared straight ahead. "I don't think I wanted to know that."

Roku shrugged. "Papa Duo says there are still good spots available behind the stable."

"I think I should stop talking to you."

"Suit yourself. But I just saw Legolas go outside and three riders were following him."

"What?" Aragorn spun around. "I'd better go check." He hurried toward the main doors.

The dormitory was a single long room with mats and blankets laid out on the floor in neat rows along both walls, with a narrow aisle down the middle. Gandalf immediately usurped the spot closest to the door and settled down with Saruman's crystal globe, wrapped up in a rag, clutched in one arm. The others selected spots based on sleeping preferences and there was a great deal of muffled moaning and groaning once the lamps were extinguished.

"How am I supposed to sleep with all this naughtiness going on?" Alexa grumbled. "I might as well be at home."

"Do Uncle Zechs and Uncle Treize make a lot of noise?" Jett whispered.

"Sometimes. It can get pretty loud on bondage night."

"Do you mind, Alexa?" Zechs exclaimed.

"Sorry."

"Go to sleep."

"I'm trying."

Eventually, everyone settled down for the night and it grew quiet. But in the darkest part of the night, Pippin crawled out of his blankets and crept down the aisle to where Gandalf slept. After some furtive movement, he scurried back to his spot and hunched over something.

"What are you doing, Pippin?" Merry grumbled. "Can't you hold it until morning?"

"I just wanted to look at it again." Pippin whispered back. Cradled in his lap was the crystal globe, its dark surface lit by liquid fire swirling inside.

"Pippin!" Merry squeaked. "Gandalf said not to touch that!"

But Pippin was leaning low over the globe, so close that his nose was nearly touching it. His lips began to move but no sound came out.

Quite abruptly, Duo sat up clutching his head. "Get the fuck out!"

Pippin reared up, pulling away from the ball with a look of horror on his face, but the ball remained clutched in his hands and his terrified eyes remained glued to its fiery surface.

Aragorn and Legolas burst into the room.

"Pippin!" Aragorn shouted. He charged forward and knocked the ball out of Pippin's hands. Pippin slumped to the ground in a dead faint. Duo keeled over at the same time.

"The fool!" Gandalf cried. He flung a blanket over the crystal globe, whose surreal glow filled the room with light. "Sauron can see us through the Palantir!"

Roku bounded over to the globe and batted it between his legs, where it disappeared. "Now he can't."

Gandalf blinked in surprise. "I'll be wanting that back."

"Gandalf!" Merry cried. "I can't wake Pippin!"

Gandalf leaned over the unconscious hobbit. "Sauron's grip is powerful," he said. He touched Pippin on the forehead and Pippin jerked awake with a frightened cry.

"I'm sorry, Gandalf! I just wanted to look!"

"What did you tell him?"

"Nothing!" Pippin shuddered. "It was horrible!"

Gandalf sighed. "We were lucky. I believe Pippin told Sauron nothing, so our plan for the ring is still a secret, but this could have been a disaster."

"If that's the case," Treize demanded, "why have you been carrying that thing about like a giant bauble? It should have been safely locked away in Roku's storage space all this time. What the hell were you thinking?"

Gandalf drew himself up. "I was thinking that people need to listen to my advice and guidance a great deal more than they do. We carry the fate of the world on our shoulders." He glared at Pippin. "This is not a lark, no matter how some people may view it."

"Give it a rest, Gandalf," Quatre said. "I think Pippin feels bad enough. I agree with Treize. If you knew that thing was dangerous, it should have been put in Roku's storage space in the first place. It's not like he doesn't have other dangerous items in there."

"There's nothing dangerous in my storage space," Roku said. "Except maybe for the grenades. And the ammunition. And possibly the laser cannon. And I guess the missiles are kind of dangerous, but they're all conventional warheads and I took the firing mechanisms out."

"Where the hell do you get all this stuff?" Heero demanded. "I couldn't find any grenades on Mars!"

"Why were you looking for grenades?" Wu-Fei asked curiously.

"That's not the point!"

"Mr. Aragorn," Jett piped up. "Why were you and Mr. Legolas outside?"

Aragorn flushed. "Legolas sensed an ill-portent in the wind."

"You were looking at the weather?"

"Mommy and Daddy call it that, too," Alexa smirked.

"Alexa!"

"I'm just saying..."

"We will be having a discussion later about your impertinence, young lady," Zechs promised sternly.

"Legolas and Aragorn's snogging aside," Quatre continued, "What Legolas may have sensed proves my point. If Sauron was using that Palantir thingy to find us, it should have been put somewhere safe right from the beginning. So it's staying in Roku's storage space until we need it for something."

Gandalf's lips turned down, but he nodded stiffly. "Very well. But I think it likely that Sauron thought Saruman had compelled Pippin to look into the Palantir. He will realize his mistake soon enough, however. Once he knows Saruman has fallen, he will launch his attack as soon as he can, before Rohan can ride to the aid of Minas Tirith. The city must be warned." Gandalf turned his glare on Pippin again. "I will take this fool of a Took with me. The rest of you should follow with the gathered forces of Rohan as soon as possible."

"Has anyone noticed that Duo is still unconscious?" Trowa remarked.

"Dammit!" Heero snapped. He knelt down by Duo. "Wake up, idiot!"

Roku sauntered over and licked Duo's face.

Duo jerked and his eyes flew open. "What the hell was that?" he demanded weakly. "I feel like someone just crapped all over my brain!"

"That would be Sauron, up-close and personal," Trowa said.

Duo sat up and leaned against Heero. "Ok, that's it! I'm killing that guy! No one has the right to gunk up my brain like this."

Heero looked at Gandalf. "You say this Sauron character will attack Minas Tirith first?"

"Undoubtedly. If Minas Tirith falls, the world of men is doomed."

"All right, then we're going too." Heero indicated himself, Duo and Wu-Fei. "I plan to be on the front lines when this shit-fest starts."

"I want to go!" Roku said.

"Absolutely not!" Quatre said sternly. "I don't even want to think about the trouble the four of you will get into."

"Aw, man!"

Gandalf put a hand on Aragorn's shoulder. "As long as Sauron believes we have the ring, he will focus on us. We must buy Frodo time to complete his task, even if it should cost us our lives. Do what you can to convince Théoden to come to Minas Tirith. We will hold out as long as we can."

Aragorn nodded. "I will do my best."

Gandalf looked around. "Well, my friends, it looks as if our fellowship must part ways again. Our task is far from complete and the road ahead is fraught with peril. But as long as we hold true to ourselves and have faith in each other, we can still prevail. So I charge you all to steel yourselves for what we must do. The end will soon be in sight, for good or ill."

"Man, he just loves to make speeches!" Duo grumbled. "As if my head doesn't already

hurt enough."

"Take it easy, Duo," Trowa said. "Someone has to signal the end of the story arc."

-o- The End -o-

_And in fact, that's exactly what it is! Next up is __**The Return of the Gundam**__! The thrilling conclusion to my complete bastardization of a beloved classic! Hold on to your seats!_


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